Thursday, January 17, 2008

He's Hell on Amnesty...and Consistently Conservative, and some Jocularity...

Well Sir...bein a member of "Vets4Fred", I thought I'd post three short 30 second video's to help y'all get to know this man better..... especially if'n yur against Amnesty and Open Borders....In MHO...He's a Good man....






____________________________________

"Old Cow"

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road
one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The
driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -- the aged bovine was struck
and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls
to lobbyists.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive
wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was
smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters were crazy about me!"

"My Gosh, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said,
I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The
rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
____________________________________

I Saw a billboard that said:

Need help? Call Jesus.

1-800-005-3787

...Out of curiosity I did.

A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.
____________________________________

CAUTION: ADULT LANGUAGE AHEAD.....but funny...


LITTLE RALPHY

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Ralphy.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ' Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'


LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,''I said '6', replies RALPHY.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'


LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says,'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

RALPHY says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'

Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!'

The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'


LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful!''


LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching! on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own fuckin' business.

I LOVE Little RALPHY
____________________________________


Subject: Six !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning
back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was
not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On
the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of
Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He
put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours
later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her
stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it
was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile
and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??" Her
eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed. "I meant my
dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening,
he is gonna get it wrong.

Well Sir...I gotta thank "Fish" frum Kentucky and Charlie the Cop frum Chicago fer sendin these in....

...AND... I've got a GREAT new Bumper-Sticker comin up in the next post...don't miss it....!!