Sunday, May 20, 2007

Some Sunday Sundries....

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified,
well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged
$1,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one- hundred
dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to Valerie.

Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a
row--too expensive--and there were no discounts.

The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave
it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again.

Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive
night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been
with me three nights in a row.

Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina."

"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney.

She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

A Marine walks into a Beaufort SC bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman looks at his wrist and remarks, "That's some watch. I've never seen anything like it before. What is it?"

"I just got this," he replies. "It's a new military issue. It has a small computer chip which has threat
detection and situational awareness."

The intrigued woman asks, "What's so special about it?"

The Marine explains, "It can detect any threats within a 50 yard radius and gives me an awareness of my surroundings.

The woman asks, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, according to what it says, you're not wearing any panties...."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The Marine taps the face of his watch several times and says, "Aw, hell, the damn thing's an hour fast."