Cookie's checkered, and musical past...... and "Think before ya speak"....

Well Sir...one of the main aspects about bloggin is to chronicle, and/or journal, events and situations of yur life, past and present, that were/are, the defining moments that make you what you are today.

Now, I know that this followin story might be a tad hard fer some of ya to envision, but back in the Cookie's high school and college days, I was a pretty damned good singer, dancer and actor(even if'n I do say so myself). However, these talents went un-discovered up until midway through my Junior year in High School because I was hangin around with a pretty bad-ass gang of guys. Gang fights, car thefts, burglaries, a stabbing or two and an all around trouble maker for all my teachers. My grades were just about all failing and the prospect of graduation seemed all but impossible.

Then, my English teacher, spotted some attributes about me that even I didn't know were present. One, I wasn't half bad at writing, and two, since I was always "acting out" in some way or another to get attention, she set up a meeting between her, the school music teacher and myself. At the meeting, to my great surprise ( I thought it was going to be a disciplinary meeting for something or another that I had done), she strongly recommended to the music teacher, that I become a part of one of the school's upcoming musical entertainment nights, "West Side Story".

Naturally, since I had quite a bad rep, the music teacher strongly objected and expressed her grave reservations. My English teacher convinced the music teacher to give me a try, explaining that I was already a bad-ass gang member and my presence would add authenticity to the musical itself.

Cutting to the chase, I surprised everyone, including myself, by performing very well and enjoying every minute of the rehearsals. Learning the lines, the songs, the dance choreography and the acting itself all seemed somehow natural. I only had to punch out one asshole who made the mistake of laughing at me one time when I flubbed one of the dance routines. From there on out, no one ever did that again, at least not in front of me. Suffice it to say, that idea and intercession of my English teacher had a profound life changing affect on the rest of my life. I wound up graduating High School with honors, and had even had one of my Sci-Fi short stories published in a "pulp-fiction" publication.

Eventually, I would go on to perform in several college productions, and during the summer, I did some Summer-Stock in New Jersey and also worked as a waiter in a place called "Vacation Valley" in the Pocono's. The job entailed much more than being a waiter. After all the meals had been served, most of the staff would perform various Broadway musicals that were popular at the time, South Pacific, My Fair Lady, and of course West Side to name just a few. It was the only job I ever had that I had to actually audition for. The male staff was also expected to socialize and dance with any unescorted female guests who were observed to be by themselves and not having a good time during various functions. Seriously, think of Patrick Swayzee in "Dirty Dancing", that was my job, and the part I enjoyed the most, for very obvious reasons.

Oddly enuff, almost every character I played, I was, or became. A gang member, a Sailor, a Cop, and I've always been a country boy.....

OK...nuff ramblin fer now. Here are some video's of some of the skits from some of the plays and shows I was in.....

"The Jet Song"....West Side Story....



"Gee Officer Krupke" from West Side Story....



"There is nothing like a Dame"....South Pacific....



"With a little bit of Luck"...My Fair Lady



...and "The Barnraising Brawl"...Seven Brides fer Seven Brothers...


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...and me good compadre Patrick warns us all about the importance of thinkin carefully before we speak.......

Y'all gonna really like this one.....

Always think before you speak..!!!!!

This is a great example of 'did I say that out loud???'

This happened at UWI in October last year. In an
OESH class, the Professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in
semen which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey.

A female Masters' candidate raised her hand and
asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of
glucose, as in sugar, in semen?'

'That's correct,' responded the professor, going on
to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, she asked,

'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?'

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing.

The poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she
realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she
picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to
return.

However, as she was going out the door, the
professor's reply was classic. Totally straight-faced he answered her
question.

'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for
sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your
throat.

Tuesday...time fer some "Foggy Mountain Breakdown".. and other great music...

Well Sir...most times when I'm preparin my blog-post(s) fer the next day, I've got my AOL satellite radio music playin some good old Blue Grass tunes in the background....so...thought I'd share a few classics with Y'all.....

....and yes...that's Steve Martin on one a the Banjo's. Unfortunately, this great music was bein played on that asshole David Letterman's Show....but don't let that stop ya...it's still GREAT pickin.... "Foggy Mountain Breakdow"



...and yesterday, my good naybor Clem's son, Klem, got t'playin some Banjo music with some strangers that was passin through these here parts of the Adirondack foothills..... "Duelin Banjo's" .....



....and one of them strangers wound up squeelin like a pig later in the day....

Caution.....R-Rated scene ahead.....



...and we just gotta have some Jerry Reed with "East Bound & Down".....



...and up the road a piece, there be a 9 year old young lady that plays one mean fiddle...."Orange Blossom Speacial".....



...Slim Pickin's..."The Ballad of Jesse James"....



...BUT...more than likely Y'all remember "Slim Pickins" as Major Kong frum this here 4 minute long, absolutely classic scene outta the dark comedy....... "Dr. Strangelove".......



OK....on that note......Have a great day now.......
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Sorry C.D., I looked all over fer some video's of "The Culhanes" but came up empty.....

Monday...time fer some Buttons, "Hee Haw", and some R-Rated "racy" stuff...

Got some new ones, so I threw in some of the older ones fer those who mighta missed em before....












Gotta Thank both "Charlie the Cop" and Susan Gertson fer sendin me the buttons....
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Well Sir...a day or so ago, I posted a YouTube video with C&W entertainer "Cousin Mini Pearl" in it, and later, my good amiga "Nicki" left a comment and related how when she was a youngin, she loved watchin "Hee Haw", with her grand-daddy, and in particular loved the regular skit/song "Pffft...You were Gone". Well maam...here ya go miss Nicki...hope this brings back some great memories fer y'all....


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*** Partial Nudity and Adult Language Ahead. ***

Today is National Female Breast Appreciation Day!


"One must always appreciate the beauty that surrounds us everyday...."




Sure Beats the Shit out of Martin Luther King and Flag Day, don't it (although I certainly would salute these puppies as well)??

Gotta give a HAT-TIP to Clint Griffin frum Californy fer that one....
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Saw a woman yesterday at the Mall wearin this......


An interestin acronym to say the least....




Naturally, I don't believe any of this of course....



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How to check your car's Air Conditioner.


1. Roll up the windows

2. Turn the AC on Hi




....and the MOST important Step....

3.Put the A/C tester in the car.






Yupper...It's a wurkin just fine!

....and we can all Thank "The Chief" frum over at "Smolderin Embers" fer that vehicle maintenance suggestion......
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....and...CSSSCC (Sandy) frum down Tampa way reminds us that a great indicator that it's almost Summertime is when the girls start showin off their belly-buttons.....

Hold on to yur Coffee folks and whatever y'all do.....DON'T take a sip of it before viewin this here photygraff...!!!





_________________________________

...and of course...I can't let a day go by when I don't get in my usual shot at the Democrats.....

** Click to Enlarge if'n ya cain't tell right off **


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Sunday Sundries......

Well Sir...bein Sunday, a day of peace, love and goodwill toward all, Susan Gertson sends us this great, hilarious story regardin.....

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a
phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.' I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I
please speak with Robyn Carter?' Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my
ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed down on
me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to
call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I
yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had
a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' It
always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his
number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm
calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?' He yelled
'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!' and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in
his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I' d better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?' He said, 'Yes, it
is.' I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I
live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow ranch, and the
car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?' He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,' I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?' He said, 'I'm home every evening
after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said, 'Yes?' I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello.'

I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah,'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'

I said, 'Make me,'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow
ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers.' I said,

'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. He said, 'Hello?' I said,

'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'

I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to
kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
Blvd. in Fairfax . I quick ly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of
each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and
surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

______________________________

...and CSSSCC frum down Tampa way sends us this actual advertisement in an Irish newspaper!!


Automobile for Sale

1985 Blue Volkswagen

Only 50 miles. Only first gear and reverse ever used.

Never driven hard. Original tyres. Original brakes.

Original fuel and oil.

Only 1 driver. Owner wishing to sell due to employment lay-off.


Photo attached --- You HAVE to see this.........


**Click To Enlarge**
___________________________________

THE SNEEZE

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium.

With their rich maroon gowns flowing .. and the traditional caps, they looked almost ... as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray dur ing the commencements----not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine.....until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!!!

The student on stage.. simply looked at the audience and said,

"GOD BLESS YOU, each and every one of you!" And he walked off stage...

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the court's approval.

Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends.........and GOD BLESS YOU!!!! This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland

THANKS CHARLIE B ...I'm definately postin this one!
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....and "Charlie the Cop" frum Chicago sent this one along to us.....

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you
want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora, the gardener did."

SHE GOT THE RAISE
_______________________________

Now Sir...here be a few "Cop" Bumper stickers Y'all just might see on an Officer's car. We'll begin with one I had on my personal vehicle.....























Gotta give a Cookshack HAT-TIP to Clint Griffin frum San Diego fer sendin some of these along...
____________________________________

....and, Chittenango, NY Marine Corps League Commandant Loren Davies sent me this here story....

Marine Corps Dog!

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale"

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees a nice looking Beagle sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Beagle replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Beagle looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told them and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services...the United States Marines. You know, one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs."

“Well, in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders--because no one figured a dog would be eaves-dropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for 8 years running, but all that jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down.

“I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years, you know) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars!?! This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's such a bull-shiter ... He never did any of that Marine shit. He was in the Navy!"




_____________________________

...and finally, the closer we get to Memorial Day, the more this song seems to come to my mind. I'm sure you combat Vets will relate......

Here in the Syracuse, NY area, we hold a huge "Watch Fire" at the New York State Fairgrounds where all vets and their families are welcomed. If you don't have one in yur area of the country, contact any of yur local Veterans organizations and see if'n ya can't get one going. It's quite a somber event, promoting cameraderie and understanding, and last year we drew a crowd of almost 10,000.......



Here's to you mates......


____________________________________

Saturday...time fer the other "Hank"....and anuther Obama lie....

Well Sir...a day or so ago, my buddy C.D. played a song fer Cookie that I'd never heard afore...it was "Whoa Sailor" by Hank Thompson.

Now Sir...I'd heard of, listened to, and, in my younger days, been in a few bar-room brawls with Hank's music playin on the Jukebox in the background, and C.D.'s dedicated music kinda brought some of those experiences back....BTW, I usually came out on top in those "disagreements"...

So, bein an old "North Country Boy" myself who grew up on this music, and, although I know there won't be that many of y'all out there that enjoy this old style C/W music, but fer those that will...Here y'are.....



Now Maam...I sure do recall kickin some "City Boys" asses when this here next song was playin. Bartender...leme have anuther PBR t'wash down the blood....here's to "Rednecks, White Sox and Blue Ribbon Beer"



..."Hello Country Bumpkin"....



"Here's to Country Music"...



...and finally..."The King of Western Swing"....Hank Thompson...


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Now Folks...this here next song kinda holds some special meanin fer Cookie, although I've only heard it 2 or 3 times in my entire life, and I can't believe I found it on YouTube.

Now Sir...all you old "Salts", "Bubbleheads" and "Surface Skimmers" out there will understand what I mean, but fer you "land-lubbers", let me explain. I was comin back from a four and one half month European and "Med Cruise" (Mediterranean) on the USS Piper (SS 409) submarine, and a few hundred miles somewhere off the East coast of the United States, the skipper raised one of our many antennae and piped the music from the only AM radio station he could receive into the crew's mess, and the first American thing we'd heard in many long months away frum home was.....

"Howdee out there Friends & Naybors...Cousin Minnie Pearl here, comin direct to you from WWVA, Wheeling West Virginy.....

...after the cheering stopped...here's the song she sang....



Now Sir...fer those of you who toured and listened to the entire blogpost today, thanks fer bein patient while the Cookie reminisced....

BTW...now y'all know fer sure just how much of a north country Redneck this here Cookie is...


_____________________________

Ya know...I truly despise just about all politicians(Ronald Reagan the exception) and their deceiving ways, and have so much disgust regarding how much they blatantly lie to, and mislead folks. Although Hillary, and especially this one, Obamessiah who has "The WRIGHT Stuff", are excellent example of outright liars for political gain, they certainly have no monopoly on this tactic....



Via The Dread Pundit Bluto....
________________________________

"Hold on a second, SWEETIE".....?

Sometimes, newer doesn'at always mean better. 170 year old technology beats state of the art communications technology....


______________________________________

Just another example of ...er...well...you fill in the blanks. I know if I said this remark in a professional workplace, I could count the days(on one hand) to a "sexual harrassment" complaint.....and he NEVER answered the question!!



...and, my good buddy CD Jewell really pegged the Obamaman with, what will eventually become his "Theme Song".....


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Friday Follie's....

Well Sir...my good amiga, Susan Gertson frum down Texas way just had t'bust the Cookie's balls with this one.....



"...Ahh...ya got any coffee in there also?"
________________________________

WARNIN....SOME PARTIAL NUDITY AHEAD!

Yupper...I remember the good ol days, at least part of em.... Sure did have some fun drinkin didn't we?














____________________________________

WOW! 10,000 folks died in Kansas this week....I Didn't Know THAT! I'd better call John & Buster right away....



It was 12 you freakin idiot!

...and here's anuther thing I didn't know...57 States. Guess that's why I failed geography.....


______________________________

....and here be the Top 10 reasons men have automobile accidents.....













_________________________________

Saw this over at Nicki's Place and since I so dearly love and respect the MSM...I just had t'have it....

New York Times Reporting

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.”

“Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

“Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride and what political affiliation do you have?”

“A Harley Davidson and I am a Republican.”

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:

‘REPUBLICAN BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!’
_______________________________

...and finally, my good buddy "CD" from over at "Liberalstein", posted this here old C/W video fer me as he knew I was kinda sick the past couple of weeks or so. I'd never heard it afore, but I sure could relate to it......Thanks Again Mate...its truly appreciated.....


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Thursday thingy's.. Typical Cookshack Humor...and some interestin FACTS..

Hmmm...I'd heard it was a tough Real Estate market out there...but didn't realize just how tough it was till I saw this next photygraff.....







___________________________________



A few days back I posted this here above photygraff as a joke, and left it at that. Following a few reasonable and acceptable comments by some of my regular readers, I then began receiving some very intense, and NOT so nice E-mails....

....so with a little bit of research...here be my answer to some of ya out there who believe the Republicans are to blame for everything that's happenin in America today.....and...just what Y'all can do.....

This story comes in three parts:

Part 1

In just two years . Remember the election in 2006?

Thought you might like to read the following:

A little over one year ago:

1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;

2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;

3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.

Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:

1) Consumer confidence plummeted;

2) The cost of regular gasoline soared to over $3.70 a gallon;

3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);

4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);

5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;

6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.


America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!

Remember it's Congress that makes law not the President. He has to work with what's handed to him.

Quote of the Day........'My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it.' -- Barack Obama

Part 2:

Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics enlightening and amazing.

www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/151.html

Taxes under Clinton 1999 / Taxes under Bush 2008

Single @ 30K - tax $8,400 / Single @ 30K - tax $4,500

Single @ 50K - tax $14,000 / Single @ 50K - tax $12,500

Single @ 75K - tax $23,250 / Single @ 75K - tax $18,750

Married @60K - tax $16,800 / Married @60K- tax $9,000

Married @75K - tax $21,000 / Married @75K - tax $18,750

Married @125K - $38,750 / Married @125K - $31,250

Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates

It is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest President ever. If Obama or Hillary are elected, they both say they will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the people that fall into the categories above can't wait for it to happen. This is like the movie The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam somebody out of some money and they don't even know what happened.

PART 3:

You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much?

Read this:

Boy am I confused. I have been hammered with the propaganda that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us. I now find that to be RIDICULOUS.

I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of reading them. I have included the URL's for verification of all the following facts.

1. $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to illegal aliens each year by state governments.

Verify at: http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2. $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4. $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a word of English!

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html

5. $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.

Verify at http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6. $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7. 30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8. $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.

Verify at:

http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are caused by the illegal aliens. Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate
that's two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular, their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem in the US

Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

11. During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal aliens that crossed our Southern Border also, as many as 19,500 illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries. Millions of pounds of drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U.S. from the Southern border.

Verify at: Homeland Security Report: http://tinyurl.com/t9sht

12. The National Policy Institute, estimated that the total cost of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an average cost of between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year period.

Verify at: http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13. In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances back to their countries of origin.

Verify at: http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14. 'The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States .'

Verify at: http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml


The total cost is a whopping $ 338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.

Why are we THAT stupid?

If this doesn't bother you then just disregard the message. If, on the other hand, if it does raise the hair on the back of your neck (like mine), I hope you forward it to every legal resident in the country including every representative in Washington, D.C. - five times a week for as long as it takes to restore some semblance of intelligence in our policies and enforcement thereof.
________________________________

Sooo...fer all you "Pie in the Sky", Dipshit Dem's that believe in The Hildebeast and/or Obamessiah and sent Cookie those NOT so nice E-mails....here be my answer to Y'all.....



I'm always open to a good rousing and lively on-line debate...but...then again...what can I expect frum wingnut Liberal-Loons.....
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Wednesday Wemembwences....

Well Now..here's the Cookieman with stacks of wax from the late 50's and early 60's for yur nostalgic listenin & viewin pleasure......BTW...I didn't prepare any Trivia questions fer this here post...but go ahead and tell us all just what'cha know about each song.....

...and I'll bet there's more than a few of y'all out there that connect some of these here songs with "makin out" in the back seat of some 50's or 60's model Kalabaloose...















Ahbedee Ahbedee Ahbedee...that's all folks.....
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Tuesday.....

Again, Thank You all who inquired about my health....I must admit, I was overwhelmed by your concerns and messages.....

A big old Cookshack HAT-TIP to Susan Gertson, "Charlie the Cop", CSSSCC frum Tampa, and Patrick frum ...prh...A Day in the Life, fer some of these here funnies....
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Hmmmm.....

...**Click to Enlarge**
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The robot knows....

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to
change.

One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a
nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was
in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then
he would show her how it worked.

At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from
school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were
understandably angry.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they
asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,'
said Tommy.

The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after
school.

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'

'What did you watch?', asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments. '

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair.With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.

We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied
to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies,
told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.'

The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that
not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half
way across the patio.

When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in
tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad
with Tommy. After all, He is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the
shit out of her three times.
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Ya...but do they grow and bloom?? I wonder if'n they come in Long Stemmed?


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Now Sir...here's one Marine...er..I mean MUSLIM y'all won't see in Iraq....


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Well Sir...as most of y'all already know, the Cookie has always been an avid fisherman...and as such, I've always used STREN Fishin line...as I find it to be one of the most relaible....Here's why.....

The Stren Line company recently sponsored a swimsuit competition.

The only requirement was that the swimsuit be held up by fishing line.
Here is the winner :

It's held in place with clear fish line
This years winner --- 2008 --- World's smallest [legal] swimsuit.

...PARTIAL NUDITY AHEAD!






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Mama Ain't Playin'

Looks like Mama is going to make him stand out there for a long time!
Ought to be a pretty good lesson, one not easily forgotten!
He doesn't look very happy, like, maybe the lesson is already working, huh?

Be sure to see all 3 pictures .





We need more people like her...

YOU GO MOM !!!

NOW, OF COURSE THERE'S GOING TO BE SOME PEOPLE WHO WILL CALL THIS 'CHILD ABUSE' OR 'CRUELTY TO CHILDREN'.
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Although she's all but out of the race...there's always room at The Cookshack fer some good "Hillary" jokes....Here be A roundup of Hillary jokes....

Some good ones here

"Chelsea Clinton tried to help her mother attract the gay vote in Pennsylvania by visiting several lesbian bars. That's true, yeah. Yeah, when asked to comment afterwards, Chelsea said, `I've never seen so many women with my mom's haircut.'" -Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton was shown at a bar in Indiana drinking a beer, and doing a shot of whiskey. Hey, and it worked. Today, Ted Kennedy switched back. `I'm for Hillary now!'" -Jay Leno

"Did you all see that? She took the shot with the beer chaser. Did it like an old pro. To give you an idea how much she drank, when the phone rang at 3 am, slept right through it." -Jay Leno

"Big shake-up in the Hillary Clinton campaign. This is huge. Yesterday - true story - Hillary Clinton's top adviser abruptly left her campaign. When he heard about it, Bill Clinton said, `Wait, we can leave?'" -Conan O'Brien

"Poor Hillary. She went on my friend Jay Leno's show last night. She's still trying to put that whole Bosnia sniper fire thing behind her. She said, `It's been so long since I've been pinned down by anyone.'" -Bill Maher

"Hillary Clinton was in Philadelphia, where she told the crowd she is like the movie character Rocky. Now, if I remember the movie correctly, doesn't Rocky get the crap beat out of him and then he loses to the black guy?" -Jay Leno

"Are you familiar with the Hillary Clinton 3 a.m. phone call commercial that she's been running? Well, she's got another one of those, and the phone rings at 3 a.m., Hillary answers the phone, she picks it up, and she says "Stop bothering me, President Obama!" -David Letterman

"This weekend, Bill Clinton said Hillary should not drop out of the presidential race. Yeah, when asked why, Bill said, `Because then she'd come home.'" -Conan O'Brien

"Hillary was caught in a bit of a lie. When she was first lady, she went to Bosnia when it was war-torn. She said that she faced sniper fire - never happened. And had to run to the car for cover - never happened. If only she had channeled that active fantasy world into her marriage." -Bill Maher

"Have you been following the story about Reverend Wright, Barack Obama's pastor? Hillary said if her pastor had made the comments that Reverend Wright had made, she would have left that church. Interesting distinction she makes. She also says if her pastor had been bl### by Monica Lewinsky, she would have stayed." -Bill Maher

"Hillary now says that she just made an honest mistake when she said she had to duck sniper fire in Bosnia. There was no hostile fire of any kind. Although, ironically, while she was away, Bill Clinton did see some action." -Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton has been hinting that she and Barack Obama might share the Democratic ticket with her in the number one position. She feels Barack Obama deserves some sort of consolation prize for getting the most votes and being the most popular." -Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is back in the hunt for the Democratic nomination. She won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and Texas last night. A lot of people thought she would be done today, but just like Bill always says, Hillary does not go down without a fight." -Jimmy Kimmel

"There have been charges of foul play from both sides. Obama has accused Clinton of smearing him by implying that he's a Muslim or Muslim-sympathizer, and Clinton has accused Obama and his people of trying to dump a bucket of water on her and make her melt." -Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary criticized Obama so strongly that at one point he yelled at her. He just said, `Hey, easy, lady, we're not married'" -David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton's campaign is trying to embarrass Barack Obama. Have you seen this? They have circulated pictures of Obama wearing tribal dress. Obama wanted to strike back, but there are no pictures of Hillary wearing a dress." -Craig Ferguson

"Things aren't looking good for Hillary. Like a lot of women in Washington, I think she's just starting to realize she may have slept with Bill Clinton for nothing." -Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton continually reminds voters that she has been tested. Which makes sense. You never know what Bill might have brought home." -Jay Leno

"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had a private talk. Did you hear about this? They had a private discussion. They agreed to stop attacking each other so harshly. Hillary told Barack, `We should pretend to like each other, just like Bill and I do.'" -Conan O'Brien

"On the eve of Tuesday's primary victories, a defiant Hillary Clinton said, `I'm just getting warmed up.' Which begs the question, `Hey, Hillary, how are you gonna be ready on day one if it takes you 31 primaries to get warmed up.'" -Seth Meyers
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Monday....

Well Sir...we'll start the week with a little Poooolitikal humor.....


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"OK Reverand...yur doing great so far...just keep givin more of those great sermons of yurs"....


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D'y'all think this guy will get convicted?.....The Breathalyser Test...


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...as Dick Martin used to say all the time...."I didn't know that!"....

Bet you get up and go to the kitchen as soon as you read this to check it out. Whoever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box? What a fantastic idea!

I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box.

Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over. The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time. Well, I would like to share this with you.

Yesterday I went to throw out an empty reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, "Press tab to lock end," or "Press to secure roll."
Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place.
How long has this little locking tab been there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I can't count the number of times
the Saran wrap roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up.

I'm sharing this with everyone who didn't know this and those of you who already knew it.

I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know this.
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Played this one bout a years or so ago...but it's still worth a laff or two....


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Ahhh Yes...a 7 years olds perspective regardin "Beer"....

A handful of 7-year-old children were asked what they thought of
beer. Some interesting responses, but the last one is a dilly.

7-year-old Tim- "I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer
he drinks the prettier my mom gets."
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7-year-old Mellanie - "Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch
what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice."
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7-year-old Grady - "My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny
when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't
think this is very funny."
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7-year-old Toby - "My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and
the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a
good thing."
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7-year-old Sarah - "My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also
wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much."
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7-year-old Lilly - "My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better
he dances. One time he danced right into the pool."
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7-year-old Ethan - "I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad
drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbeque and they taste
disgusting."
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7-year-old Shirley - "I give Dad's beer to the Dog and he goes to
sleep."
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7-year-old Jack - "My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and
picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells
him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any
sense."
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....and "Charlie the Cop" reminds us why our Dog's REALLY go outside....


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Gotta give a Hat Tip to Charlie and Susan fer sendin these to Cookie...