Sunday, May 13, 2007

Ya gotta love Cops.... and the Russian housewife....

A female motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer. The violator demands to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride figuring "battleship mouth and rowboat ass".

The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything. When she gets done with writing the citation she puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the citation. She then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature.

The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer then removes her mirrored sunglasses, gets in the middle of the guy's face and said, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an asshole!"

Three months later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross-examination, the defense attorney asks, "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"

Officer; "Yes sir, this is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this citation you don't normally make?"

Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an 'AH', underlined."

Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

Officer? "Aggressive and Hostile, Sir."

Attorney: "Aggressive and hostile?"

Officer: "Yes, Sir? "

Attorney: "Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"

Officer: "Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do!"
Russian wife in Toronto

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after inToronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts! The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down)

What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English! Now get back to your emails.