TWENTY THREE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. I knew I was God and she didn't.
2. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
3. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
4. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
5. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
6. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
7. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
8. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
9. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
11. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
12. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
13. Procrastinate Now!
14. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
15. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
16. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
17.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
18. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
19. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory
20. Ham and eggs is a ½ day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
21. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
22. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
23. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
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