Saturday, June 30, 2007

Sunday Sundries....

Well Sir...I'll begin with the number 1 reason NEVER to fart in a Wetsuit.....


1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. I knew I was God and she didn't.

2. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

3. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

4. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

5. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

6. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

7. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

8. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

9. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

11. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

12. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

13. Procrastinate Now!

14. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

15. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

16. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

17.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

18. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

19. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory

20. Ham and eggs is a ½ day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

21. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

22. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

23. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.