Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Wednesday Wanks....

Donation Please

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington, D.C. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man Knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What Happened? What’s the hold up?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and John Kerry. They are asking for a $10 million ransom.

If they don’t get it they are going to douse them with gasoline and set Them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection. Would you like to give anything?”

The driver asks, “On average how much is everyone giving?”

“About a gallon.”

Shameless Puns:

-I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He is all right now.
-The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
-To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
-When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
-The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
-When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
-The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
-The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
-A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
-What's the definition of a will? It is a dead giveaway.
-A bicycle cannot stand alone; it is two tired.
-Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
-A backward poet writes inverse.
-In a democracy, it is your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.
-A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
-If you do not pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
-With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
-When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
-The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine has been fully recovered.
-A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
-You are stuck with your debt, if you can't budge it.
-A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
-A boiled egg is hard to beat.
-He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
-Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
-When you have seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
-When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she would dye.
-Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
-Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
-Acupuncture is a jab well done

....and How Men use Post it's......

Hat Tips to Sue Gertson and Charlie B fer sending some a this inta me....