Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Great Analogies..."Chippendale's" reunion, my kinda CSI...and Black Balled..

A family is at the dinner table;

The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"

The father, surprised, answers " Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breast are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."


"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said " Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers

" Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, this willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In this thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only" ____________________________________

My good neighbor Clem, hoping to get some "Afternoon Delight", went to the Emergency Room yesterday after takin Cialis....

When he was talkin with the admitting nurse he told her... "I took some Cialis bout 7 hours ago, and when I've seen commercials for Cialis their commercials always has some "warnings" about using it. One of their warnings stated something like 'erections lasting more than 4 hours may need immediate medical attention".

"...and I've got a hard on that just won't quit!"

"Well sir, would you like to see a doctor?"

"No, maybe a nurse or two though."


Chippendale's has been around fer 30 years....here's their 30 year reunion photygraff's.....

...30 years ago....


....the "Full Monty"....ahhh...I Don't Think So....


I'll betcha this CSI was also an intern fer Bill Clinton.....


Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult
four hour surgical procedure.

A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir!!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...

"Are - my - Test - Results - Back?