Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Wednesday Wanks...

Well here's a great example of cuttin yur nose off to spite yur face that was sent t'me by "Charlie the Cop" in Chicago....

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!

'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.....


....with Wind Chill....It be -7 degree's here in Bridgeport, NY...



You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?



* Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round. *

Hillary's Indian Name

Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of The
Oneida Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York State (right down the street frum the Cookie man)

....She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native
American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first
female President.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed 'YES,
'for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval. Although the
Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic
about her future ideas for helping her 'red sisters and brothers'.

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a
plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud
Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs of how they had come
to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking
Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

*(Thanks Pat fer sindin this along to me....)

"Cliff's" Buffalo Theory.....Hmmmm....makes sense t'me it does....

**Thanks agin Charlie....

Attention Iowan's......How Soon We Ferget.....