Saturday, February 23, 2008

Saturday Potpourri....

Well Sir...I could be wrong...but I think my buddy "The Chief" frum over at Smolderin Embers just might have a Birthday comin up. This here's a photygraff of what happened to him last year...


Well Sir....I think this actually happened to me sometime back...

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather.

'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?'

'Oh yes, PaPa' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!'

Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it?

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration, already."

"I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father's not as young as he used to be, and please, my arthritis is acting up again."

"Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I wear?"

"Oh Mom" replies Susan, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in New York "

"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.

"The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Please, Mom, I really want you to come."

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 21, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her.

"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States ?

"The Senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."

Says Mom proudly, "Her brother is a doctor."


On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new Husband and asked
for $20.00 for their first Lovemaking
encounter. In His highly aroused state,
her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer
Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had
Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and
Therefore, they
Were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that
For the more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied
And these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3
Million, her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If
I'd had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
To keep their mouths shut!


Stress Test

There is a very very tall coconut tree, and there are 4 animals:
King Kong, Ape, Orangutan and a monkey pass by.

They have a competition to see who is the fastest to get the banana. Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality. Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?

If your answer is ….

Orangutan = dull/stupid

Ape = foolish

Monkey = idiot

King Kong = stupid

Why????? Coconut tree, doesn’t have bananas……..??

It’s obviously you’re stressed by your work.