Saturday...

I've been in a few High Speed chases during my career, but never, ever had one end in such a shitty way as this one did....


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....and lastly...Christmas in Georgia....


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Now Sir, here's a great example of what happens to a woman that just went back to work after 30 years. If'n yur younger than 40, ya probably won't understand this here 5 second video...


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Well Sir, fer those Country & Western fans out there, here be the TOP TEN list that just came out.....

Top Ten Country & Western Songs.

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I've Woke Up With a Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She Gets Better Lookin' with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day

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The Priest's Retirement Dinner.

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.

But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.'...

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived,' said the politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late !

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I read this here novel idear about two weeks ago and decided to try it.....

Toilet Cleaning Instructions:

1) Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2) Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3) In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet — the cat is actually enjoying this.

5) Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power-wash and rinse.’

6) Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7) Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8) The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9) Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

**BTW** I ain't seen the cat since....
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