Just fer Laughs.....

Well Sir...there be some truth in all these here sayin's and quotations...

RESTROOM SIGNS
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Friends don't let friends take home ugly men /Women's restroomStarboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away. /Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time,and time is a waste of life,then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives./Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. /The Bayou, Baton Rouge , LO

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit./Men's Room Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill , NC

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry. /Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. /Written in the dust on the back of a bus,Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war.-Hell, do both GET MARRIED! /Women's restroomThe Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. /Revolution Books New York , New York .

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! /Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington , DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less /Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him. Sign over mirror in Women's restroom/Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA

No wonder you always go home alone. /Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA

~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one~~~

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. Women's restroomDick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX
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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. _____________________________
HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. ______________________________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die. ______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Subject: A Last Request

The former Senate Chaplain, an old priest, lay dying in hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Senator's Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton before I die." whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response.

Soon the word arrived, Senator's Kennedy and Clinton would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Hilary commented to Teddy, "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me elected President. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT." Kennedy agreed--it was a good thing.

When they arrived , the priest took Ted's hand in his right and Hillary's hand in his left. They were silent and a look of serenity came upon the old priest's face. Finally Senator Kennedy spoke.

"Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen" said Teddy.

"Amen" said Hillary.

The old priest murmered...

"He died between two lying thieves ...... I want to do the same."