Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Some Wednesday PotPourri.....

Ted Kennedy talking about all those illegal aliens who risk their lives crossing the Rio Grande'......

...Hmmmm...hey Ted...I seem to recall sumthin about a bridge in Chappaquiddick...

....and here be some of the new State Quarters soon to be released...



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
You think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chain saw Massacre all over again!

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?


Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Little Johnny
and his family were invited over to see the baby.

Before they went over to the neighbors, Little Johnny's dad had a talk
with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him
that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears
or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when
they got back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,
a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied. "We are so thankful; the Doctor said he
will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, 'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he
needed glasses".

A Texas Blonde:

Amy, a blonde Texas city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.

You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one.. right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on....."