Saturday, September 29, 2007

Saturday Sundries....

Well Sir...agin I gotta thank my buddy Charlie B., a retired Chicago cop, fer sendin these jokes and cartoons along......

President Bush in England

The Queen and President Bush Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a Magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.
They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire . The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses.
The fart shakes the coach but the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the incident. The Queen turns to President Bush, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a queen cannot control."
George Bush, always trying to be presidential, replied, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses!"
Women's Problems

There's an age old saying...'Ouch, the truth sometimes hurts!!'
Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
GUY necologist
AND .. When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
Hank is 92 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Hank goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit, smoke a cigar, listen to music, ponder his accomplishments and reflect on his longlife.
One evening, Mildred, age 86, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours had passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Hank turns to Mildred asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What? "SEX!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Hank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, pulls out his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Hank's yank... Then, one night, Hank didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Hank and make sure he was OK.
She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Hank's yank!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! ----- What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Hank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's."