Monday....

Well Sir...bout twenty five year or so ago, I was up in northern Canada, Nakina, Ontario to be exact, and was fishin a Lake we had to be flown into. While there, I heard a Ray Stevens song I absolutely loved...and over the years sorta fergot bout it...TILL NOW!

My good amiga Susan Gertson just sent me this here great video of that song...

"The Day the Squirrel went berzerk in the 1st South Baptist Church of Pascagoula..."

FUNNY!!!


___________________________________

...and here be a very low-tech, but exact, Irish DUI test....



....and yet anuther low tech device with extremely accurate results....


_____________________________________

The "Hit-Man".....

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'

'Sure,' they said, 'you're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'

'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.

'You're joking!' was the response.

'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'

'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked !! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!!

He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'

'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'

'Can you do two for me now?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.' 'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.'

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. 'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.

'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here!
_________________________________

POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST CHICKEN JOKE EVER....

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, With a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says,

"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time.
_________________________________

HOW TO HANDLE IRRITATING SEATMATES ON AN AIRPLANE

If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you, follow these instructions:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start up.
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes, tilt your head up to the sky & move your lips as if praying.
6. Then hit this link
________________________________

OK...you math wizards out there...tell me how this one is done. I've solved part of it but cain't figure out the rest.....just follow the simple directions....

http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.swf
_______________________________

Gotta thank "Charlie the Cop", Susan Gertson and M. Mancuso fer sendin these along....