Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Wednesday Wanks....


Happy Birthday, California

Did you know that California became a state on September 9, 1850? In those days, the people had no electricity, the state had no money, almost everyone spoke Spanish and there were gunfights in the streets. Basically, nothing has changed except back then the women weren't made of silicone and the men didn't hold hands.

...and also B'Day wishes to my Grandson Joe and my Daughter Marie!!!!


Dino wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else. One day Dino got so frustrated that he went to her and said, I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'Dino said, I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'She agreed and accepts the proposal.Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minute's the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?'

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!'

Management lesson 101

Always consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

"In Their Own Words"... Get Ready America!!!


Marine Corps Dining Etiquette.......


God Bless & Pray for our Military

The Commandant of the Marine Corps was General Al Gray, a crusty old
'Field Marine.' He loved his Marines and often slipped into the mess hall
wearing a faded old field jacket without any rank or insignia on it. He would go
through the chow line just like a private (In this way, he was assured of
being given the same rations that the lowest enlisted man received.
And, woe be it to the mess officer if the food was found to be 'unfit in
quality or quantity').

Upon becoming Commandant, General Gray was expected to do a great deal
of 'formal entertaining'...fancy dinner parties in full dress blue uniform.
Now, the General would rather have been in the field eating cold
'C-rats' around a fighting hole with a bunch of young 'hard charging' Marines.
But the General knew his duty and as a Marine he was determined to do it to
the best of his ability.

During these formal parties, a detachment of highly polished Marines
from 'Eighth and Eye' (Marine Barracks located at 8th and I Streets in
Washington, D.C., home of the Silent Drill Team) were detailed to assume
the position of 'parade rest' at various intervals around the ballroom where
the festivities were being held.

At some point during one of these affairs, a very refined, blue-haired
lady picked up a tray of pastries and went around the room offering
confections to the guests. When she noticed these Marines in dress blues, standing
like sculptures all around the room, she was moved with admiration. She knew
that several of these men were fresh from our victory in Kuwait. She made a
beeline for the closest Lance Corporal, drew near him and asked, 'Would
you like pastry young man?'

The young Marine snapped to 'attention' and replied, "I don't eat that
shit, Ma'am." Just as quickly, he resumed the position of 'parade rest.' His
gaze remained fixed on some distant point throughout the exchange.

The fancy lady was completely taken aback! She blinked, her eyes
widened, her mouth dropped open. So startled was she that she immediately began
to doubt what she had heard. In a quivering voice she asked, "W-W-What did
you say?"

The Marine snapped back to the position of 'attention' (like the arm of
a mousetrap smacking it's wooden base). Then he said, '"I don't eat that
shit, Ma'am." And just as smartly as before, back to the position of 'parade
rest' he went.

This time, there was no doubt. The fancy lady immediately became
incensed and felt insulted. After all, here she was an important lady, taking the
time to offer something nice to this enlisted man (well below her station in
life), and he had the nerve to say THAT to HER! She exclaimed, "Well! I
never...!" The lady remembered that she had met that military man in
charge of all these 'soldiers' earlier. She spotted General Gray from across
the room. He had a cigar clenched between his teeth and a camouflaged
canteen cup full of bourbon in his left hand. He was talking to a group of 1st
and 2nd Lieutenants. So blue haired lady went straight over to the Commandant
and interrupted.

"General, I offered some pastry to that young man over there, and do you
know what he told me?"

General Gray cocked his eyebrow, took the cigar out of his mouth and
said, "Well, no Ma'am, I don't." The lady took in a deep breath, confident
that she was adequately expressing with her body language her considerable
rage and indignation. As she wagged her head in cadence with her words, and
she paused between each word for effect, 'She said, "I - don't - eat - that - shit - Ma'am!''

The lieutenants were in a state of near apoplexy. A couple of them choked
back chuckles, and turned their heads to avoid having their smirks detected.
The next thought that most of them had was, 'God, I hope it wasn't one
of MY Marines!' and the color left their faces.

General Gray wrinkled his brow, cut his eyes in the direction of the
lieutenants, put his free hand to his chin and muttered a subdued, "Hmmm
Which one did you say it was Ma'am," the General asked.

"That tall sturdy one right over there near the window, General," the
woman said with smug satisfaction. One of the lieutenants began to look sick
and put a hand on the wall for support. General Gray, seemed deep in
thought, hand still to his chin, wrinkled brow. Suddenly, he looked up and his
expression changed to one indicating he had made a decision.

He looked the fancy lady right in the eyes and said,

"Well, fuck him! Don't give him any."

Can you identify the expression .........'What it’s all about'?

They are getting ready to sneeze!

If'n ya thought sumthin differant...then...