Wednesday Wanks...

SOME ADULT CONTENT AHEAD!!!

Now Sir, frum what I understand, both "Chicago Charlie" and "The Chief" are in need of this here first product, but I cain't speak fer the second one.




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....and my buddy "Dan" frum out Californy way sends this one...


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee..

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'.."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'.."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."
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...and "Charlie The Cop" frum Chi-town sends us....

The Worlds Shortest Books


NEGROS I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING
By Tiger Woods
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
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MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
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Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
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MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
By Osama Bin Laden
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THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
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THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
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THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
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AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
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A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
By Dr. J.. Kevorkian
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ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ......
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
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GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
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THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
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MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson
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HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
By Ted Kennedy
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MY BOOK OF MORALS
By Bill Clinton with introduction
By the Rev. Jesse Jackson

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AND, JUST ADDED:
Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!
By Nancy Pelosi
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When Love fades....

A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner, Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

He said, " I'll have chicken. Thank you."

“Fuck You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat.”
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...and my old High School bud, John Keating frum out Michigan way sent me this great one regardin Deer Camp.


Deer Camp

Mike was attending his hunting club's monthly meeting and had just told
them he couldn't make the hunting trip scheduled for the next day
because his wife wouldn't let him go.

After listening to the jeers and other derisive remarks from his
buddies Mike left to go back home to his wife.

When Mike's friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who
should be there but Mike sitting in front of his tent, cocktail in
hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.

"How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Mike?"

"I didn't have to" was Mike's reply.

"When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a
cocktail to drown my sorrows. Then Melissa snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'!"

When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful
see-through negligee and she said, "Carry me into the bedroom, tie me
to the bed and you can do whatever you want."

So here I am!
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...and my pal Clint Griffin frum out San Diego way sends us these truism's...

Differences

If a conservative doesn't like guns, they don't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, then no one should have one.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, they don't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, they want to ban all meat products for
everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy..
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, they quietly enjoy their life.
If a liberal is homosexual, they loudly demand legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal wants all churches to be silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that his neighbors pay for his!
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