Thursday, December 17, 2009

Thoisday Thuds. The Bitch in the Kitchen!

Well Sir, we'll begin with this "Oldie But Goodie" thats timely fer this here time of the year....


Now Sir, fer those of you who are gonna be a fly'n this Christmas Season, here's sumthin to ponder....


A Christmas Story
for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got
sick, the trainee elves did not
produce toys as fast as the regular
ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her
Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the
reindeer, he found that three of
them were about to give birth and
two others had jumped the fence
and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the
sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,
the toy bag fell to the ground and
all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the
house for a cup of apple cider
and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he
discovered the elves had drank all
the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke
into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and
found the mice had eaten all the
straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang,
and irritated, Santa marched
to the door, yanked it
open, and there stood a
little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully,
'Merry Christmas, Santa.
Isn't this a lovely day?
I have a beautiful tree for you.
Where would you like me to
stick it?'

And so boys & girls thats how the tradition of the little angel on top of the
Christmas tree began.

One of my regular women-folk readers sent me this, "In My Next Life". I think my wife already made this decision....


The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."

The little piggy said "Screw off or I'll sneeze on you..."