PotPourri

Now Sir...fer all you real dedicated Beer Drinkers out there....



Uh Oh! Look out men!


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Just a friendly WARNIN fer Y'all regardin CHOCOLATE...





Looks Good, right???

DO YOU EAT CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE?

We were raised on CADBURY'S chocolate as kids, and even into adulthood.
I will never eat it again! I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any . It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.


This is what happens when you eat CADBURY'S chocolate!


THIS IS A MEDICAL WARNING!!
It could happen to you, your family and friends!!






You get Small Feet!!
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Well Sir...my good amiga Sarah sent this recent survey to us.....

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their Asses. The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.
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A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa .

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So, I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, 'WELL brothers, you KNOW that WE don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to READ to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrassle. We wrassled DOWN one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So right quick-like, I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says,

'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'
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THE OLD COWBOY

A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS
GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE
SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS
OATMEAL EVERY MORNING.

THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103

WHEN HE DIED. HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRAND-CHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN,


AND A 15 FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE !
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For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the
service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how
consultants can make a difference to an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that
the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It
seemed a little strange.

When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in
his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons
in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded
that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a
drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our
personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to
the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen,
instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the
waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same
string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the
waiter,

'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in
the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you kn ow what, we can
pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
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Man....ain't this the truth....



How’s this quote from 145 years ago or so! Doesn’t this still ring true today?

During this political season let's be reminded of these wise words, and maybe somebody autta tell Obama as well......


"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

"You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. "

"You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. "

"You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. "

"You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred."

"You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence."

"You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves".

---Abraham Lincoln---
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A Big Ol Cookshack HAT TIP to "Chicago Charlie" and Susan Gertson fer these here funnies......