...The British are a comin....

...Well Sir...kind of a slow day in this here neck of the country...so I thought I would tell ya all bout my new British neighbor...Gert. Now Gert really kinda fits in around these here parts...fer instance...he showed me a picture of what he used to do in jolly old England...and that was drive a truck...but lost that job cause he didn't listen to his boss who simply told him to let some air outta his tires before he went under the bridge...but...here's the results....

...Now Sir...as I was tawkin to Gert...I couldn't help but notice that he had the worst case of bad breath I've ever encountered...even in these here parts where...at an AA meeting...there are more people in the room than teeth...anyway...I'd heard that the British were known for their poor dental hygiene so I just attributed the bad breath to that...but I later learned that Gert had the worst case of "Athletes Mouth" on record...you know...that's from stickin his foot in his mouth so much he now has that condition...here's an example.....

...So...continuin on...bein the good naybor that I am...I went on over to Gert's house just as he was movin the furniture and stuff inta his new abode...and after introducing ourselves fer the first time....Gert showed me his ability to find varied and unthought of uses fer differant things...like below...

Gert was just takin his "Mr. Kitty" as he affexionatly calls him generically, out of the movin van...and I asked him if'n that was the cat's real name and he said no....the cats real name is "Stretch"...as y'all will see why in a minute...but meantime...here's a pic of his pet carrier.....and a nuther photygraf of why he's called "Stretch".....

...Now...Gerts explained that the cat was always lickin itself...almost continually since it was a young kitty. He says that at first he thought the cat was havin some kind a seisure or sumthin cause it would lick itself...faster and faster...and then mysteriously kinda shudder...and then let out with a long groaning sorta..."Meooooooohhhh" (Gerts impression...not mine)...and then fall inta a kinda coma fer a brief spell. Once Gert had figured out what was really a goin on...he enrolled Stretch in SAA...Sex Addicts Anonymous...oooops...I just broke Mr. Kitty's anonymity....

Now Sir...then Gert took his dog, Mr. Pugsly outta the movin van...he told me the dog has "issues"...and left it at that...here's Mr. Pugsley.....

...he didn't seem to wanna say anything more about Mr. Pugsley...so I didn't pry....

OK...one last photygraf....this here is a picture of one of the town parks back in jolly old England...says its real popular with "massochistic folks"....

...Ya...I know....this was all really kinda sophmoric...but hey...it's a quiet day and it seemed like a good idea at the time.........