Just some PotPourri.....

Well Sir....we'll start with the Australian joke of the Year....


A Kiwi (New Zealander) walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

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A blonde gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day, so she eases
over onto the shoulder of the road.

She carefully steps out of the car, opens the trunk, takes out two
cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the
vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats, exposing their
nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic
became snarled and backed up.

It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,

"What is going on here?"

"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.

"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing
here by the road?!" asks the Officer...

"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

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Subject: : Anniversary

A MARRIED COUPLE IN THEIR EARLY 60'S WERE OUT CELEBRATING THEIR 35TH ANNIVERSARY IN A QUIET, ROMANTIC LITTLE RESTAURANT.

SUDDENLY, A TINY BEAUTIFUL FAIRY APPEARED ON THEIR TABLE AND SAID,

"FOR BEING SUCH AN EXEMPLARY MARRIED COUPLE AND FOR BEING SO FAITHFUL TO EACH OTHER FOR ALL THIS TIME, I WILL GRANT YOU EACH A WISH."

"OH, I WANT TO TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD WITH MY DARLING HUSBAND" SAID THE WIFE.

'THE FAIRY WAVED HER MAGIC WAND AND POOF. TWO TICKETS FOR THE QUEEN MARY II LUXURY LINER APPEARED IN HER HANDS.

THEN IT WAS THE HUSBAND'S TURN. HE THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT AND SAID:

"WELL, THIS IS ALL VERY ROMANTIC, BUT AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE THIS WILL NEVER COME AGAIN. I'M SORRY MY LOVE, BUT MY WISH IS TO HAVE A WIFE 30 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME.

THE WIFE, AND THE FAIRY, WERE DEEPLY DISAPPOINTED, BUT A WISH IS A WISH...

SO THE FAIRY WAVED HER MAGIC WAND AND - POOF!- THE HUSBAND BECAME 92 YEARS OLD.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: MEN WHO ARE UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS SHOULD REMEMBER, FAIRIES ARE FEMALE.

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Thought for the day Handle every situation like a dog.



If you can't Eat it or Screw it. Piss on it and Walk Away