Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Tuesday Tidbits.....

Subject: Fw: It is a comin'

Yup, Sho. 'Nuff IS A COMIN'!!!

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman , Montana , while awaiting their respective flights .

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show & the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East .

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . .

" That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.

Life in New Orleans

This happened on a flight getting ready to depart for New Orleans. Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to New Orleans. There are crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate."

Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."

...and some more New Orleans life....Fathers Day....I know..its definately NOT PC...but it tickled me funny bone....


New Priest in Town
A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese.

One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was
a fine spring Day in his new Texas mission parish. He
walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep
breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed
there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his
front lawn. He promptly called the local police
station. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning, this is Sergeant Jones, how might I
help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father
O'Malley at St. Brigid's . There's a jackass lying
dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send
a couple O yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit,
replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always
my impression that you people took care of last

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly
true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of

Subject: Wives of Golfers

The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place
her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?"
her husband demanded.

"Well, you didn't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake
of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear.

"Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. "Blessed
Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?"

She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's
$10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsma n's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirtover
her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of
Jasus, Aggie! Where are yer drawers?"

She explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o
Jasus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.

There....I think I've offended just about everone.....have a great day....