Friday .....
No Sir...there ain't no reason I'm postin ol Mickey's...er...Hugo's photygraff other than the fact I want to.....
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"Baby...you sure is one hard, cold, frigid wummin."....
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Now Sir...Pat frum prh.....A Day in the Life sent these gems along....
Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again."Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.
__________________________________
....and Sig from Signal 94 sent this gem for us to share....
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human
body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should
not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!"
"I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal,
who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back
down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy,
is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of
the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy" then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your homework, and
three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.
_____________________________________
I don't often agree with what Pat Buchannon says...but in this case, I believe he hit the nail right on the head....
______________________________
...and ya know..."Charlie the Cop" sent me this and stated that it works fer him....
NEW USE FOR WINDEX
I haven't checked 'snopes.com' to see if this actually works or not ;
But they say,
If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should drink some Windex first.
It'll keep you from streaking.
Have a Great Day!
_________________________
"Baby...you sure is one hard, cold, frigid wummin."....
________________________________
Now Sir...Pat frum prh.....A Day in the Life sent these gems along....
Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again."Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
"Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.
"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.
__________________________________
....and Sig from Signal 94 sent this gem for us to share....
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human
body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should
not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!"
"I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal,
who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back
down.
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy,
is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body
part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of
the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy" then turned to Mary and continued,
"As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind, Two, you didn't read your homework, and
three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.
_____________________________________
I don't often agree with what Pat Buchannon says...but in this case, I believe he hit the nail right on the head....
______________________________
...and ya know..."Charlie the Cop" sent me this and stated that it works fer him....
NEW USE FOR WINDEX
I haven't checked 'snopes.com' to see if this actually works or not ;
But they say,
If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should drink some Windex first.
It'll keep you from streaking.
Have a Great Day!
_________________________
posted by Cookie..... @ 7:44 PM
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