Tuesday tidbits....

Well Sir, "The Chief" sent this along to Cookie, and I strongly suspect that last two items are really about me...

HAVE A REAL GOOD LAUGH WITH THIS.

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

A grandfather is a man and a
grandmother is a lady!

Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.

When they take us for walks,
they slow down past things like pretty leaves and
caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us
about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'

They don't say, 'Hurry up.'

Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'

When they read to us, they don't skip.
They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack time before bedtime and they say prayers with us
and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVES:

''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''


GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM!

It's funny when he bends over, you hear gas leaks and he blames it on their dog, "Czarina".
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Now Sir, although "Charlie the Cop" sent me this here one, and knowin this other blogger like I do, I suspect that the "Old Indian" mentioned in the story was actually a past relative of "The Chief".... frum "Smoldering Embers in a Mohawk Campfire"...


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Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute..."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."

"OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club......................... (takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff.....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! By Jaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug."

Thanks to "FishinMagician" frum up Buffalo, NY way fer that one
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....and Clint Griffin frum San Diego sends us this one...

A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."

The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi said, "Sure beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
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PAY ATTENTION GUYS

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale , Arizona:

1.BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2.FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3.KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4.AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5.STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6.TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7.IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

8.DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9.QUIET PLEASE... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

10.DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.


WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF

Gotta thank "Chicago Charlie" fer that one.....

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