Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Some Tuesday PotPourri....

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.

But, **Sigh**, like I said, it was a long long time ago, & it was just fer that one day.

The Postal Services created a stamp with a picture of President Obama on it.

The Postal Service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

1.The stamp is in perfect order.

2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.

3. People are spitting on the wrong side

Yupper, really gotta THANK "Missy Sue" frum Texas fer that good one.

Please adopt "Pinky", the adorable, loving and affectionate cat....

Gotta Thank "Charlie The Cop" frum out Chi-Town way fer that one.

Now Sir, since every car thief and criminal type probably already know this, here's how to unlock yur car with a tennis ball. I haven't personally attempted this, so I don't know if this short video is blowin smoke, or in fact true, but here t'is....

How t'unlock yur car with a Tennis Ball.

Gotta thank that old Marine and Vietnam hero (at least thats what he tells me), "The Chief" fer that one...

...and my old buddy "Fish" frum down Kentucky way sends us this cute one....

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Finally, frum ONION NEWS, "American Workers are outsourcing their own jobs."


The 'Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande. This just may be the quote of the century!!

I was so touched I damn near cried.....