Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Some Tuesday tidbits of humor.

Independent Front Suspension explained so's men can understand the concept.

*Read first, *then watch the Nissan Commercial

If you are considering a Nissan Pathfinder or any other car with an 'independent front suspension', this little commercial should prove to be most helpful in understanding the concept before making your purchasing decision.

An 'independent front suspension' system, is when one front wheel of a vehicle hits a bump or pothole, will move up or down to compensate while the other wheel remains steady. Both wheels are independent of each other, and hence the expression.

Watch the attached video all the way to the end.

It is a German commercial for the Nissan Pathfinder. This gives a moving experience which should benefit your understanding of this marvellous piece of engineering.

It's arguably the best explanation I've ever seen.

P.S. The Germans obviously have much better ads than we do, don't you agree?

ve gates.



An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck.." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked..

"To get my teeth!"

One liners.....

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex...........Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry fatty , you are bound to lose it eventually '

Snow in the forcast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance" with a face like that!'

I have a new chat up line that works every time!! It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them..............Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and Mexicans were not the correct answers.

Hmmmm, I'll bet this senior was "The Chief".

Two businessmen in Illinois were sitting down for a break in their
soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few
shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior is going to
walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,
"Must be doing
well... only two left."

Seniors -- don't mess with us!

...and "The Chief" commented; "Just one of the many anecdotes from my life... I don't know how you found out about it though...."

...and here be a couple of real "Awwwe Shit" moments.