Wednesday, August 13, 2008

It's Toisday (as me good Irish wife frum Brooklyn would say).....

The great philosopher speaks...

Whether or not you are a country music fan, this is truly

the work of a deep thinker, and highly intelligent person.

So simple, yet so profound. Words of wisdom from that

famous philosopher Willie Nelson, on his 75th birthday:

'I have outlived my dick.'

The Antique's Road Show in the UK.....

Photobucket...ADULT CONTENT!


....and my new found friend "Nedgar" sends us this here ditty....

He Said....She Said....

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. . . A widow.

He said to me . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


....and here's an Oldie but Goodie....

Subject: Gunny

The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Gunny who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.' It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Gunny insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Gunny to 'drop 'em', which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Gunny's weenie and began to work back. 'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'

The old Gunny calmly replied, ' Vietnam '


....and Clint Griffin frum San Diego shows us what can happen when you sleep around...


Some great News bloopers.....


"Charlie the Cop" informs us as to What's in a Name???

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

'You all have obsessions,' he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said,

'You are obsessed with eating.

You've even named your daughter Candy.' He turned to the second Mom, Ann:

'Your obsession is with money.

Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol.

This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,

'Come on, Dick, we have to leave. Your brothers Peter, Willy and Johnson are waiting for us.


A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,

"Are all of those kids yours?"

"No", he replied, "I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."

....and...In case Y'all missed this yesterday.....