Monday, September 22, 2008

I'm Baaaaackkkk.......

Ahhh...excuse me Mr. Obama...but when yur posin fer a photygraff, at least hold the phone correctly....**sigh**...yupper...he's "qualified" fer the presidency alright.

Well....this certainly clears things up a mite....


Somethin Old, Somethin New

A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It
was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the
days that started with the letter "T".

Examples of those days are as follows:








A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of
bed in the middle of the night:

5% said it was to get a glass of water

12% said it was to go to the toilet

83% said it was to go home

The perfect a man sees it...
You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of
Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy,
and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.
(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?
(A) Nudity
_________________ _________________

(Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
(A) 45 lbs
________________ _________ _________

(Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
(A) 45 minutes

(Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?"
(A) Through his chest with a sharp knife.

(Q) What do you call a smart blonde?
(A) A golden retriever.

(Q) Why did OJ Simpson move to W. Virginia?
(A) Everyone has the same DNA.

(Q) What' s the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?
(A) A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with a recipe.

(Q) What's the Cuban national anthem?
(A) Row, row, row your boat.

(Q) What's the difference between a northern fairytale and
a southern fairytale?

(A) A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time".

A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."



On their wedding night, the young bride
Approached her new
Husband and asked for $20.00 for their first
Lovemaking encounter. In
His highly aroused state, her husband readily

This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more
Than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to
Afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was
Surprised to find
Her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that
His employer
Was going through a process of corporate
Downsizing, and he had
Been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of
59, he'd be able to find
Another position that paid anywhere near what
He'd been earning, and
Therefore, they
Were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
Showed more than thirty
Years of steady deposits and interest totaling
Nearly $1 million. Then she
Showed him certificates of deposits issued
By the bank which were worth over $2 million,
And informed him that they
Were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that
For the more than
Three decades she had 'charged' him for sex,
These holdings had multiplied
And these were the
Results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
Worth over $3 Million,

her husband was so astounded he could
Barely speak, but
Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If
I'd had any idea what you
Were doing, I would have given you all my Business!'

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, we men just don't know when to keep our mouths shut.

Your Hair Smells Nice

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the
coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair
smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her
complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a
sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks:

'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker
telling you your hair smells nice?'

The woman replies, 'Its Keith. The midget.