Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wednesday Wanks....

ADDENDUM: Well Sir...ya knew it just had to happen...**sigh**

Copied frum "Ace of Spades HQ"...

The Unkindest Tort

You're in a plane that hits a flock of geese over the most populated city in the United States. Against all odds, your pilot keeps the plane under control and does what no other commercial airline pilot has ever successfully done. You and everyone on that plane with you survives the ordeal.

What's your response? Gratitude to the pilot and the airline who hired him? A rethinking of life's priorities?


If you're Joe Hart, it's lawsuit time!

Joe Hart, a salesman from Charlotte who suffered a bloody nose and bruises, says he “would like to be made whole for the incident.”

It’s too soon after the accident to determine what emotional distress he has suffered, he says.

...In addition to recovering losses, Hart says he's concerned about having trouble flying. He's flown on six planes since the accident, and each flight has gotten "progressively more difficult."

He says he was tense, sweated and "felt every bit of turbulence" on a Los Angeles-to-Philadelphia flight last week, though it wasn't that turbulent a flight.

Hart says he has talked to a lawyer in North Carolina but hasn’t decided whether to take any legal action.

“I want to see how things play out with US Airways,” he says. “I’m hopeful US Airways understands the significance of the incident.”

The significance of the incident? The significance of the incident, you ungrateful doofus, is that you and everyone on that plane is alive. I'm not sure what disgusts me more - that Joe Hart sees his brush with death as nothing more than the opportunity for a payout, or the fact that some catfish-like law firm is willing to actually take his case.

What holy bleeding hell is wrong with these people? Are they going to argue that the airline has liability because they did not use reasonable care in avoiding a flock of geese that randomly flew in front of an airplane?

I agree with Rachel Lucas on this one. If you want to sue someone, sue the geese who flew in front of that plane.

Heh - From the comments:

I'm channeling the geese right now... They're speaking through me...

"Honk! Honk!", you say? The big airplane ran into you? It didn't even try to turn?

Ladies and gentlemen! Justice must be done! And I must receive 20 percent!

Posted by: John Edwards at January 28, 2009 10:10 AM (7dXKM)

You morons crack me up.

posted by Slublog at 09:18 AM

We'll begin with some good old fashioned Military Humor.....


Finally!! Here t'is men, the long awaited for 2009 Hooters Calendar.....





Muslim Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.


He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.


Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.


"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit !"


Even if you don't own a dog at present, you'll appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her puppy. Read her sales pitch below...

Puppy For Sale

Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore;
as there are no more thieves, murderers or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as,



"Holy Shit !".

Subject: Ben & Jerry's New Ice Cream???

Ben and Jerry's is coming out with an unbelievable new ice cream in honor of
their messiah.

It is being churned in Washington DC and appropriately being named:

Baracky Road --- half chocolate and half vanilla and surrounded by fruits and nuts.