Tuesday tidbits...
Well Sir....I first heard this here joke over 40 years ago...but at that time, the two main folks in the Joke were a Navy Seabee and a Marine...and naturally, the Seabee got the After-Shave and the Marine didn't...
But...I like it this way as well.....
G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As
they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word
was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would
turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had
Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.
Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will
smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of
a whorehouse smells like."
_______________________________
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but Thank You for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes. "
**************************
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
**************************
My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine.
*************************
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
***********************
Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.
***********************
The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
*************************
God made man before woman so he would have time to think of an answer for her first question.
*************************
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
**************************
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
**************************
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
_________________________
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind
Catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
'You need a piece of tail.'
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
________________________________
American Medical Association researchers have made a
remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may
benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.
Just thought you'd like to know.
_______________________________
A cowboy is driving down a back road in Texas .
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
'Lord almighty' he says to himself, 'my three favorite things!!'
----------------------------------
The new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'"
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says , .. "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shit... what happened next?!!"
__________________________________
You!!!!!!!
Yeah You .. .
....have a GREAT Day!!!
Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably..
And never regret anything that made you smile.
But...I like it this way as well.....
G. W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As
they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word
was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would
turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had
Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave.
Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will
smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of
a whorehouse smells like."
_______________________________
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but Thank You for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes. "
**************************
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
**************************
My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine.
*************************
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
***********************
Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.
***********************
The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
*************************
God made man before woman so he would have time to think of an answer for her first question.
*************************
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
**************************
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
**************************
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno: "With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
_________________________
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind
Catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
'You need a piece of tail.'
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
________________________________
American Medical Association researchers have made a
remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may
benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.
It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.
Just thought you'd like to know.
_______________________________
A cowboy is driving down a back road in Texas .
A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
'Lord almighty' he says to himself, 'my three favorite things!!'
----------------------------------
The new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'"
The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.
The old priest says , .. "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shit... what happened next?!!"
__________________________________
You!!!!!!!
Yeah You .. .
....have a GREAT Day!!!
Life is short!
Break the rules!
Forgive quickly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably..
And never regret anything that made you smile.
________________________________
...a little NUDITY ahead...
When a man comes home from work after a really difficult day at the office, factory or jobsite, nothing brightens his spirits and makes him feel more appreciated than being met at the door by the smiling face of the woman he loves and an ice cold beer in her hand.
_______________________________
....and finally...here be a little "Gun Porn" fer those of you (like "fits") who get a kick outta this stuff....sorta like this guy got a kick...
______________________________
...and a Big Old Cookshack HAT TIP to: Pat, Susan G, "Charlie the Cop" fer sendin me these humorous anecdotes and photygraffs...
...and an UPDATE: The Cookie goofed agin....I fergot to include MightyMom as the nice person who sent me the cute puppy tellin ya to have a great day. Sorry agin MM..... :-(
posted by Cookie..... @ 8:59 AM
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