Monday, April 28, 2008

Tuesday Tid-Bits... Ah...what the hell, I'll post it early....

Well good buddy, that ever so humble, intelligent, charismatic, handsome and talented (at least that's what he tells me), "The Chief" frum "Smolderin Embers", has such respect and admiration fer this here Cookie, that he broke out his Photoshop program and made the followin composit fer me....

Thanks Chief...I'll treasure this always....

Well Sir....I also learned here recently that the above self described individual, "The Chief", bein an old, "Gung Ho", Once a Marine-Always a Marine warrior, just recently started his own Old Marine's Drill be an example of some of their precision drill repertoire...


The IRS decides to audit Boudreaux, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Boudreaux shows up with his attorney. The IRS had demanded $23,000 in taxes from Boudreaux due to unreported income.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Boudreaux. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Boudreaux says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Boudreaux removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Boudreaux says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Boudreaux isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Boudreaux removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Boudreaux's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Boudreaux asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Boudreaux stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Boudreaux's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Boudreaux told me he'd been summoned to appear in person before the IRS, he bet me twenty-thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a "mail order" bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said,

"She'll be twenty-one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

"How's the new wife?", asked the banker. Tom proudly said, "Good - she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too."

Don't ever underestimate us old Geezers!

The Jewelry Store

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with
a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another
ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check.
I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can
call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday
afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

Just goes t'show ya....there be more than one way to skin a


Well Sir, Bill Balsamico, proprietor of the famous (or infamous dependin on yur point of view) Casa D'Ice, sent me the below chronology of twins...

Bill has some cool stuff over at his Store....Oh, and BTW...In case Y'all didn't know it, Bill is runnin fer President of these here United States, yupper, he is....and near as Cookie can tell, he beats the hell outta all three choices that we are now faced with. If'n ya gets a chance, stop on over to his "store" and check out some of his wares....

In the below video, Bill expresses his opinions and observations regardin the other candidates.....

Now...admittedly, Bill isn't exactly an exceptionally articulate or forceful public orator, but since he expresses simple, down to earth, honest observations and realities, it's refreshin to just sit back with my religion in one hand and my gun in t'other, and listen to him....


Upon a visitin my good amiga MightyMom, I was reminded of this here Ray Stevens song from years back....and ya know, I just might make it The Cookshack's theme song....


Cookshack HAT-TIPS to MightyMom, Missy Susan Gertson, "Charlie the Cop",and "fish" frum Kentucky fer some of the above submissions....