Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Wednesday Wanks.......

Short...but good....

H/T: "Upstate Nikki"



Alfred E Newman



Subject: Why it might not be advisable to send yur wife to Home Depot.....


Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he
sent his wife Bev to Home Depot.

At Home Depot, Bev saw a beautiful Bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Walt was finished, Bev asked 'How much for that faucet?'

Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.'

'My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!' Bev exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it..

From the back room Walt yelled,

'Bev, you wanna screw for that hinge?'

Bev replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.'

This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.*

What it means to be Irish ...

1) You will never play professional basketball.
2) You swear very well.
3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office ... and you have at least one aunt who is a nun or an uncle who's a priest.
4) You think you sing very well.
5) You have no idea how to make a long story short!
6) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone.
7) Much of your childhood meals were boiled; instant potatoes were a mortal sin.
8) You have never hit your head on a ceiling.
9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer -- Catholic guilt forever!
10) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
11) You are, therefore, poetic a lot.
12) You will be punched for no good reason ... a lot.
13) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.
14) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen ... and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen.
15) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.
16) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.
17) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before YOU start talking.
18) You are not nearly as funny as you think you are ... but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
19) There wasn't a huge difference between your last Wake and your last keg party.
20) You are, or know someone, named Murph.
21) If you don't know Murph, then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know Sully ... and you probably know Sully McMurphy.
22) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
23) You have Irish Alzheimer's ... you forget everything but the grudges!
24) Irish Stew is a euphemism for "boiled leftovers."
25) All of your losses are alcohol-related (loss of virginity, loss of driver's license, loss of money, loss of job, loss of significant other, loss of teeth from punch), but it never stops you from drinking.
26) Your skin's ability to tan ... not so much.
27) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking (not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each other).
28) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included whiskey.
29) There's no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.
30) You met your husband/wife/significant other, as well as your accountant/lawyer/landscaper/etc., in a bar.

Since I grew up next to an Irish family, worked and drank fer many years with about one hundred Irish cops, and later, met me good Irish lass of a wife in a cocktail lounge...I can relate to all of the above .....


Great comeback Sarah....you go girl!



...and speakin of huntin.....

...my buddy "fish" frum Kentucky took these here photygraffs a few day ago of some of the deer in his backyard...so...later that night....he got ready to have some Venison fer dinner.....


I think she'd have even more problems shooting archery.....OUCH!

**NOTE** In the previous post...there's a photygraff (Retired Hooters Girl) of what this young lady is gonna look like in 30 years.

I found and "borrowed" the below letter from over at "The Chief's" campfire. It is truly an excellent read.....

This letter was sent to the Wall Street Journal on August 8, 2008 by
Alisa Wilson, Ph.D., of Beverly Hills, CA, in reply to the article published on July 31, 2008 titled "Where's The Outrage?"

Really. I can tell you where the outrage is.

The outrage is here, in this middle-aged, well-educated, upper-middle class woman.

The outrage is here, but I have no representation, no voice.

The outrage is here, but no one is listening for who am I?

I am not a billionaire like George Soros that can fund an entire political movement.

I am not a celebrity like Barbra Streisand that can garner the attention of the press to promote political candidates.

I am not a film maker like Michael Moore or Al Gore that can deliver misleading movies to the public.

The outrage is here, but unlike those with money or power, I don't know how to reach those who feel similarly in order to effect change.

Why am I outraged? I am outraged that my country, the United States of America, is in a state of moral and ethical decline. There is no right or wrong anymore, just what's fair.

Is it fair that millions of Americans who overreached and borrowed more
than they could afford are now being bailed out by the government and lending institutions to stave off foreclosure? Why shouldn't these people be made to pay the consequences for their poor judgment?

When my husband and I purchased our home, we were careful to purchase only what we could afford. Believe me, there are much larger, much nicer homes that I would have loved to have purchased. But, taking responsibility for my behavior and my life, I went with the house that we could afford, not the house that we could not afford. The notion of personal responsibility has all but died in our country.

I am outraged, that the country that welcomed my mother as an immigrant from Hitler's Nazi Germany and required that she and her family learn English now allows itself to be overrun with illegal immigrants and worse,
caters to those illegal immigrants.

I am outraged that my hard-earned taxes help support those here illegally. That the Los Angeles Public School District is in such disarray that I felt it incumbent to send my child to private school, that every time I go to the ATM, I see "do you want to continue in English or Spanish?", that every time I call the bank, the phone company, or similar business, I hear "press 1 for English or press 2 for Spanish". WHY? This is America, our common language is English and attempts to promote a bi- or multi-lingual society are sure to fail and to marginalize those who cannot
communicate in English.

I am outraged at our country's weakness in the face of new threats on American traditions from Muslims. Just this week, Tyson's Food negotiated with its union to permit Muslims to have Eid-al-Fitr as a holiday instead of Labor Day. What am I missing? Yes, there is a large Somali Muslim population working at the Tyson's plant in Tennessee. Tennessee, last I checked, is still part of the United States. If Muslims want to live and work here they should be required to live and work by our American Laws and not impose their will on our long history.

In the same week, Random House announced that they had indefinitely delayed the publication of The Jewel of Medina, by Sherry Jones, a book
about the life of Mohammed's wife, Aisha due to fear of retribution and violence by Muslims. When did we become a nation ruled by fear of what
other immigrant groups want? It makes me so sad to see large corporations cave rather than stand proudly on the principles that built this country.

I am outraged because appeasement has never worked as a political policy, yet appeasing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is exactly what we are trying to do. An excellent article, also published recently in the Wall Street Journal, went through over 20 years of history and why talking with Iran has been and will continue to be ineffective. Yet talk, with a madman no less, we continue to do.

Have we so lost our moral compass and its ability to detect evil that we will not go in and destroy Iran 's nuclear program? Would we rather wait for another Holocaust for the Jews-one which they would be unlikely to survive? When does it end?

As if the battle for good and evil isn't enough, now come the Environmentalists who are so afraid of global warming that they want to put
a Bag tax on grocery bags in California; to eliminate Mylar
balloons; to establish something as insidious as the recycle police in San Francisco.

I do my share for the environment: I recycle, I use water wisely, I installed an energy efficient air conditioning unit. But when and where does the lunacy stop?

Ahmadinejad wants to wipe Israel off the map, the California economy is being overrun by illegal immigrants, and the United States of America no longer knows right from wrong, good from evil. So what does California do? Tax grocery bags.

So, America, although I can tell you where the outrage is, this one middle-aged, well-educated, upper middle class woman is powerless to do anything about it. I don't even feel like my vote counts because I am so outnumbered by those who disagree with me.

Alisa Wilson, Ph.D.
Beverly Hills , California