Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Go Ahead...Tell me y'all ain't never wanted to do sumthin like this....

...especially to some assclown driving 25 MPH in a 55 zone... Attach a real Deisel Locomotive Air Horn to yur car....

...Orrr...could ya use one a these in yur neighborhood.... I could..


PROVERBS.... as seen by 1st graders....

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented
each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic! Their answers are in bold print.

1. Don't change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is not much.
17. Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than Pregnant

Well Sir.. *sigh*...I guess I'll have'ta start my Christmas shoppin tomorrow....

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Actually...I wear a Bathrobe...but you gets the idear ...yupper...although I loves Christmas and all...I really dislikes the traffic, bad drivin conditions, the parkin lots, and the unfriendly pushy crowds...

....Here be an example of the "unfriendly pushy crowds" I'm tawkin about.... this was sent to me by the Chief over at Smoldering Embers... said he video-taped this while visitin Upstate, NY.... I think it mighta even been just outside The Cookshack...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

....Soooo, I discovered about 6 or 7 years back that shoppin frum yur "puter" makes things alot easier. A couple clicks on the mouse...and Voila...a few days later yur item magically appears on yur doorstep... Ain't technology Great!?

Hmmm....never looked at things like this afore....

Male or Female?

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.

...and on a more serious note, my good buddy "Charlie the Cop" from Chicago sent me this and I'd like to pass it along to all of my Law Enforcement readers, and anyone else who cares to read this...

When Cops Retire.


When a good man leaves the "job" and retires to a better life, many are
jealous, some are pleased and yet others, who may have already retired,
wonder. We wonder if he [she] knows what they are leaving behind, because we
already know. We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie
that few experience, it will remain as a longing for those past times. We
know in the law enforcement life there is a fellowship which lasts long
after the uniforms are hung up in the back of the closet. We know even if he
throws them away, they will be on him with every step and breath that
remains in his frame. We also know how the very bearing of the man speaks of
what he was, and in his heart, still is.

These are the burdens of the job. You will still look at people
suspiciously, still see what others do not see or choose to ignore and
always will look at the rest of the law enforcement world with a respect for
what they do; only grown in a lifetime of knowing. Never think for one
moment you are escaping from the life. You are only escaping the "job" and
we are merely allowing you to leave "active" duty.

So what I wish for you is that whenever you ease into retirement, in your
heart you never forget for one moment that "Blessed are the Peacemakers for
they shall be called children of God,"
and you are still a member of the
greatest fraternity the world has ever known.