Oooop's......

Yupper...now I know "The Chief" will most certainly jump all over this one....



A begrudging "Hat-Tip" to that old Jarhead Clint Griffin frum San Diego fer sending this along...Here be a photygraff of Clint on this here Magazine...



JARHEADS! I thought I was done with em when I left The Navy....
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Regardin the above photygraff of Clint, y'all might just notice that he wears an Eye Patch (although its tough to tell from this pic)....well sir, I asked him once what happened to his eye...and here's what he told me...

I was walking past the mental hospital the other
day and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13....'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little
gap in the planks and looked through to see what was
going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting, '14....14....14....'


Thanks Sarah.....
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....and fer all you Golfers out there we have.....

Word of Wisdom From The Caddy

10 BEST GOLF CADDY REPLIES

GOLFER: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
CADDY: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

GOLFER: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
CADDY: "Try heaven, you've already moved the earth."

GOLFER: "Do you think my game is improving?"
CADDY: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

GOLFER: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
CADDY: "Eventually."

GOLFER: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
CADDY: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

GOLFER: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of
a
distraction."
CADDY: "It's not a watch sir, it's a compass."

GOLFER: "How do you like my game?"
CADDY: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

GOLFER: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
CADDY: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

GOLFER: "This is the worst course I've ever played on"
CADDY: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

#1 Best Caddy Comment:
GOLFER: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
CADDY: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

HAT-TIP to "Charlie the Cop" frum Chi-Town fer that great one......
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....and from Susan Gertson and my wife we have their sentiments regardin....

APPLES & WINE

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at
the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the
one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men...men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up
to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with.
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...and agin frum Missy Susan....KIDS...ya gotta love em...

#1
Elephant

My four-year old Grandson, Jordan, is learning to read.
Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, ‘Look Grandpa! It’s a frickin’ elephant!’

I took a deep breath, then asked…
‘What did you call it?’

‘It’s a frickin’ Elephant, Grandpa!
It says so on the picture!’
and so it does…

A f r i c a n E l e p h a n t

#2 Farm Life

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

“Not yet.” said the little boy.

His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. No milk or nothing!

“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him or should I?”
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It happened at the Denver Airport This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.'

The agent replied, 'I am sorry, sir I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.'

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, 'May I have your attention please, ' she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.'

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore 'F*** You!'.

Without flinching, she smiled and said, 'I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that too.'

Gotta Thank Sandy frum Tampa fer that classic....
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She was Soooooooo Blonde .

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spen t 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooo oooooooooooo Blonde...

* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde..

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company!

Thankee Charlie.....
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