Monday, March 07, 2011

Tuesday Tidbits.....

Well Sir, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes that cantankerous old Gyrene "The Chief" does come up with sumthin good. Yesterday he sent me this novel idea the Danes have come up with fer Traffic Control. **Sigh**, I shoulda stayed on the Police Force.



AN IRISH GHOST STORY (To get you warmed up for March 17.)

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like
an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road
hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he
could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the
car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody behind the
wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving slowly. John
looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started
to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a
hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel.
John , paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the
window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and
out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the
horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... And
wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other....

Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we
was pushing it!!!!'

José and Carlos are beggars.

They beg in different areas of town.

Carlos begs for the same amount of time as José, but collects only about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.

José brings home a suitcase full of ten-dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to José, "I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?

José says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos reads his sign: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." "What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.

"No wonder you only get $8.00 or $9.00 a day!" says José.

Carlos says, "All right, what is on your sign?"

José shows him:


G-D, I hope I never get this bad.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."