BTW...the photygraph ain't got nuthin t'do with the jokes...I just liked it...
A lesson learned about bein on time....
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs,and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.
But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.
"Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE!
Ahhh...its good to be Retired......
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
I went up to him and said, "Come on son, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him an old dog . He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't care. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's important at our age........
A little funny for ya, hillbilly style.
Just to start your day off with a good laugh.
Deep in the back woods,of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife
went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to
assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor
handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can
see what I am doing!."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there", said the
doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think
there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that
lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" Said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in
a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one
coming!" cried the doctor.
The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor,
"You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"