Thursday, February 14, 2008

Friday Funnies.... and some thoughts to ponder...

Well Sir....HERE SHE IS FOLKS!!! This is the Blonde that ALL the blonde jokes are made frum......


Well good amiga Susan Gertson frum Eagle Lake, Texas, knowin how busy the Cookie man is, sent me a promo fer the followin cell phone.....

BTW...I have a cousin who would REALLY REALLY enjoy the "rectal thermometer" feature....especially if'n the phone was set on "vibrate"...

Can you believe this?

Legislators from Mexican State Angry at Influx of...Mexicans

Posted by Kim Priestap
Published: Jan 20, 08 01:39 PM

Can you believe the nerve of these people? Nine state legislators from the Mexican state of Sonora traveled to Tucson to complain about Arizona's new employer crackdown on illegals from Mexico. It seems many Mexican illegals are now returning to their hometowns and the officials in the Sonora state government are ticked:

A delegation of nine state legislators from Sonora was in Tucson on Tuesday to say Arizona's new employer sanctions law will have a devastating effect on the Mexican state. At a news conference, the legislators said Sonora - Arizona's southern neighbor, made up of mostly small towns - cannot handle the demand for housing, jobs and schools it will face as illegal Mexican workers here return to their hometowns without jobs or money. The law, which took effect Jan.1, punishes employers who knowingly hire individuals who don't have valid legal documents to work in the United States. Penalties include suspension or loss of a business license.

They're pissed off because their own citizens are returning to their hometowns, placing a huge burden on their state government. This lady has some serious balls: They want to tell them how the law will affect Mexican families on both sides of the border 'How can they pass a law like this?' asked Mexican Rep. Leticia Amparano- Gamez, who represents Nogales. 'There is not one person living in Sonora who does not have a friend or relative working in Arizona,' she said in Spanish.

'Mexico is not prepared for this, for the tremendous problems' it will face as more and more Mexicans working in Arizona and sending money to their families return to hometowns in Sonora without jobs, she said. 'We are one family, socially and economically,' she said of the people of Sonora and Arizona.

Wrong. The United States is a sovereign nation and its states and its citizens are not responsible for the welfare of Mexico's citizens. It's time for the Mexican government to stop parasitically feeding off of the United States and start taking care of its own citizens.

Too bad all the states don't pass a law just like it. Maybe that's the answer since congress will not do anything !!!

Hmmmmm....Now here be sumthin t'ponder.....


1. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

2. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.

3. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

(Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services).



1. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.

2. The number of accidental gun deaths per year,all age groups,is 1,500.

3. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
(Statistics courtesy of FBI)


So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.





New Pledge of Allegiance...This was written by a 15 year old....

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most
public schools anymore Because the word 'God ' is mentioned....

A 15 year old kid in Arizona wrote the attached:

NEW School prayer: -

Now I sit me down in school;
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall;
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lo rd, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!


If'n ya ain't ashamed to do this, please pass this on....

Cookshack HAT TIP to: CSSSCC frum Tampa Fla., "Charlie the Cop" and Susan Gertson fer the above submissions....

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Women...Know yur limits...

Now Sir....fer better or fer worse...this is how things where just a few years back...

...and here be one of my most favorite Country songs....



Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!] ~ or maybe a herd of pink bunnies!

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


...and... if'n yur gonna advertise yur bedroom set fer sale.. Hide Yur Sex Toys...

** Click on Picture to Enlarge**

In case ya cain't quite tell what they are....It's a set of handcuffs...

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally.....

(this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.

He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.

...and..."Katie bar the Door...."

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He
breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a
young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a
chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets
on top of her, kisses her neck, then ge ts up and goes into the

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, "Listen, this
guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a
lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he
kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...
do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates
you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll
kill us both. Be strong, honey I love you!"

His wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my
ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we
had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I
love you, too."

Cookshack HAT TIP to: John Yowan frum Kansas (who is still recoverin in the hospital after showin his wife Buster the first video), Clint Griffin frum San Diego, Patrick frum A Day in the Life...PRH and "Charlie the Cop" frum out Chi-Town way....

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Put the Flag back up and throw out the Manager..and..Rantin about everthin t'day...

Well Sir...In the "Here We Go Again" department...I copied this first post in it's entirity from Yankee Mom ...

More Politically Correct BULLSHIT!!!

Monday, Monday

Read it all.

Oakland. Berkeley. Toledo. And now, Verizon.

“For three years, Terry displayed his unit’s American flag outside his cubicle — a flag that was flown over Iraq and Afghanistan. But while Terry was serving his last tour in Afghanistan, Verizon Business removed the flag. A co-worker of Skiest’s reported that a local manager said that the American flag “could be considered to be propaganda” and “might be offensive to some workers.” “

We have been a customer of Verizon for years. They just heard from us! I will be taking my business elsewhere if Terry’s flag is not put up!

Go here to see Terry’s video and send a letter to Verizon.

A member of the Massachusetts National Guard!

My Home State! Again!! Damn!

...and here be the Cookie's thoughts regardin Verizon....


Permission is granted…

1) When you're a wealthy black rapper strutting down the red carpet at the Grammys, looking for some cheap publicity for your gawd-awful album of the same name.


John McCain's new logo.....


...and...this Cookie unfortunately got behind a Septic System honey wagon the other day and ...well....I imagine we'll all be see'n alot of these over the next few months. This one had a "Hillary For President" banner on the side...


"....Ah....Dispatch...this is Car 54. Could you send a Sergeant and a tow truck to my location....I just ran over a curb....."


...and....I borrowed these last two photygraffs from The Jungle Hut and posted em because...well...because I believe in the 1st one, ...and I liked em.... Thanks Jungle Mom...

Below is a good picture of Hugo dont'cha think???


...AND finally....What the hell is wrong with these pictures of Obo's Campaign Headquarters in Houston....

excuse me ladies...but...UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!!!

If'n yur completely stupid enough to vote fer Barack Obama after seein these photygraffs...then ya deserve what ya get......

Google this if ya don't understand it......

Ya used to be that these Left-Wing Moonbats and Liberals were once a "fringe element" and that virtually no one paid much attention to them...BUT...over the years, while we weren't lookin...they reproduced and had inbred offspring...who discovered the Internet...and just look at where we are today...Dayammnn....

Monday, February 11, 2008



The marriage of an 80-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman was the talk of the town.

After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,

'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'

The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said,

'Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'

A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said,

'Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?' The old man replied,

'It's like I've told you before, you got to keep the old motor running.'

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:

Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black. '

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot,
he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.
Were they trying to steal it? "Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed. So we're just waiting.

6 reasons not to mess with children.


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, "Thou shall not kill."


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor'."

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

God Bless,

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since his family lives
on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little upset, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon?

Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either! I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says;

Are you going to tell him, or should I?"


While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

"The curlers are on me."

Dear Friends and Family: Although I have posted this apology at least three time afore, because of the overwhelming guilt that I feel, I feel a strong compulsion to repost it so as to asure that all affected receive this note.....

Over the past year and months I have forwarded many funny pictures and jokes to friends who I thought shared the same sense of humor.

Unfortunately this wasn't the case. I seem to have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sick and shallow among other, more colorful, descriptions.

If you were one of these people, please accept my humblest apologies.

From now on I will only send emails, and publish posts with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting structures.

Attached is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris . For those of you who are interested, Pont Neuf is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build. Construction began in 1578 and ended in 1604.

'Le Pont Neuf' is actually made of 2 independent bridges, one with seven arches and the other with five arches.



She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Keep reading-they get better!!!



check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'




I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.



While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with

Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?



A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)



A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'



A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'



A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !



A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'

Wife replies, 'No,
you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'

Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'


The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

'Please wake me at 5:00 AM .' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

Polish Digital Clock

Every now and again there comes along a graphic so good that it just blows you away.

The University of Poland science students have finally finished their digital clock they have been working on for 4 years. Go to this site to see the results:

Wait for it to load. This is a real clock, and it's accurate. And check the time out to .

A Cookshack HAT TIP to: John Yowan frum Kansas, "Charlie the Cop" frum Chicago, Susan Gertson frum Eagle Lake, Texas, and CSSSCC frum Tampa fer sendin these fer me t'share with y'all....