S'More Saturday and Sunday Sundries....
Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He is in need of a new milk cow and hears
about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be North Dakota
for you non-Scandahoovians out there).
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches
under to see if the cow gives milk. When he grabs a teat and pulls...the
cow farts. Surprised, Ole looks at the farmer who's selling the cow, then
reaches under to try again.
He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out
however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides
to buy the cow.
When he gets back to Minnesota , he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and
says, 'Hey, Sven, come and look at dis ere new cow I yust bought. Pull her
teat, and see vat happens.'
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat...the cow farts.
Sven looks at Ole and says, 'You bought dis here cow over in Nordakota,
Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole
replies, 'Yah, dats right. But how did yah know?'
Sven says, 'My wife is from Nordakota too.'
Saw this over at "Sig's" and just had t'steal it. Although several titles or captions immediately come to mind, feel free to make any appropriate comments at the end of the post....
The new transfer student frum India.....
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said,
"Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.
Who said 'Government of the People, by the People,
for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.
'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you
should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right!
Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the
Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand
and shouts to the
teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".
Hmmm.... anyone ever seen one like this before???
It turns out to be...... a new born baby Panda Bear....
...and just, pray tell, were Y'all thinkin??
Well Sir, I just happen to find out that many, MANY years back, before "The Chief" frum over at Smolderin Embers was married, he placed an ad in a local newspaper hoping to meet that special someone. Here be that ad....
...and, here's a great Christmas gift fer that special Asshole in yur life....
It's only a guess mind ya, but I gotta feelin this here venture might be doomed to failure....
A differant image representing the stages of our lives.....
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Cookshack is very proud to present, The Great Flydini...