Saturday, February 05, 2011

Sunday Sundries. UPDATE!

Well Sir, here be a couple of pix of "The Chief", a dyed in the wool, staunch "cheesehead" Packers fan. We generally don't agree with each other too much (thats what makes it interesting), but on this point, we are both Packers fans.


S'more photygraffs of the Wal-Martians. Hope these don't ruin yur Sunday dinners!

Holy Cow! She's got another ass in front!

Hey! Lets have a picnic!


Mens version of "The Antiques Road Show".


Mens first sexual experience.

Try this: Pretend there are two dice on your computer keyboard.

Got the picture?


Now, pick up one of them and imagine you see the spots.

What number is it?

Did the number remind you of your first sexual experience?

No, probably not.

Now put down that die and pick up the other one and look at the spots.

How many do you see?

What's the number?

Did THAT make you think of your first sexual experience?

I suppose it didn't.

Now pick up both the dice and shake them in your hand.

Are you shaking them?


I bet THAT reminds you of your first sexual experience!

"Right" vs "Left"

Finally an answer that makes sense.

I have often wondered why the conservatives are called the "right" and the liberals are called the "left." By chance, I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:

Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV) "The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left ."

Hmmm, I guess that sums it up pretty well...


Just one Kiss before you jump!

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, she does.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"


Vigilis said; "Cookie, are these Wal Marts supposed to be in the U.S.?

I am fairly certain the women in some of these photos could be detained by authorities for exposures like that in any of the 4 closest Wal Marts around here."

Dapper Dan said; "Have a super Sunday, Cookie. Boy, those Wal Martians do look a little like aliens, don't they?
Re: why Left is used to refer to a cetain group in politics. Found this online somewhere; I think it explains a lot of the left's philosophies:
In some cultures it is impolite to touch your food with your left hand for the simple reason that you use your right hand for clean tasks such as eating and the left hand for unclean tasks such as wiping yourself after going to the bathroom.

"The Chief said; "I don't think it was very nice of you... putting my cheesy pics up there with all them fat chicks. How could you be sooooo cruel?"

COOKIE said; Very easily.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Hmmm, I never knew this!

The REAL "Rambo".


Ya gotta watch our fer them thar foreign statue's.


The new "Parental Control" system fer those of you have young kids or curious teens.


With all the snowy and cold weather we've been have'n, here's one woman's "secret"!!


Hmmmm, after watch'n this, I guess I'll have to re-evaluate just what I am.....



....and in closing....

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from
His body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good Lord, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an
Obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "Me 'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

[ Now don't make me come splain this to you! Read the last line again, slowly.]


Dapper Dan said; "Finally a parental control that means business! That Lesbian/Cowboy video was great and I'm still laughing about old Billy Bob's slight hearing problem. At least it was a John Deere instead of one of those Kobutas."

Truth be told.....Weather UPDATE!

"Biggest storm of the year", was, at least fer us lucky folks here in Upstate, NY a....


Went t'bed around 1 AM and it was in fact start'n to snow & blow pretty hard, but upon get'n up this morn found almost no snow or ice accumulation. HOOOORAH!! We dodged least fer now!

What's really behind this Time Magazine cover.....

Hat Tip: The Cumberland Post.


"Dapper Dan" said; "Cookie, Thanks for the hat tip. The original cover is disgusting to me but the behind the scenes take on it made me feel a lot better! Stay warm up there in the frozen north buddy."

"Sig" said; "Same here Cookie. After all the hype I felt like climbing up on the roof and yelling, "Is that the best ya got?!"

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Wednesday Wanks.

Hmmm, we here in Upstate NY got the exact same Weather Alert this morning.


DAMN! I just looked outside this morning, grabbed my digital camera and took a photygraff, and here be what it looks like....


Here's your "Hippy-Dippy Weather Man's" Forecast.


Commercials just keep get'n better & better....

Thanks "Chief"!!


Hmmmm, most interesting UFO footage over Jeruselem ?? Not a Joke. What's your take?

"Initially Jerusalemites didn't consider it strange, but soon the shining ball started moving over the old city and the Western Wall and especially over the Temple Mount. Suddenly it descended and stopped over the Western Wall / Temple Mount. "It was like the ball stopped at the Western Wall, left a prayer note there and returned to the skies", a witness said."


For all you golf fans

A man entered the bus with both of his trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its golf balls'.

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'

Well Sir, this here video is make'n the rounds on the net yesterday & today, so if'n y'all haven't seen it yet, here t'is. Again, No Joke!

Planned Parenthood Exposed.


Confusion in the Military!!

Well, Obama recently signed the bill that allows gays to serve openly
in the Military,

No more don't ask don't tell.

But what has he really done, but cause more confusion in the ranks.

Just for a moment, imagine yourself in a combat situation.

The enemy is firing at you, rapidly advancing on your position,

The guy next to you is openly gay.

Suddenly, someone yells out

"Shoot the cocksucker!"

Now do you see the confusion?


SoCalPal said; "As usual Cookie...You have sooo many items worthy of comment but I'll limit myself to one, Planned Parenthood. What a 'sub-human' organization they really are with their 'Final Solution' platform!

I'm not sure which I find more disturbing.... Planned Parenthood's barbaric attitude toward life or the fact that so many misguided souls financialy support them."

"The Chief" said; "Instead of Planned Parenthood, we oughta just squirt some Crazy Glue on the insides of women's thighs and press 'em together. Overpopulation problem solved. Next?"

Cookie said; and I'll bet you wanna be the one doin the squirt'n!

A small request fer Y'all! Second Tuesday post.

Hey Mates! I just learned sumthin bout an old blogging buddy of mine, "Dapper Dan" who is the purveyor of "The Cumberland Post". Recently, his wife Joyce underwent major surgery for cancer and has just started Chemo-Therapy treatments. I know we all would appreciate it if'n those who are inclined, would say a few prayers for her safe and full recovery from this scourge of the 20th/21st century.

I'm sure Dan and Joyce would also enjoy it if'n ya stopped by his blog ever now and agin and said Hey! BTW, Dan is a retired college professor and, most importantly, a "Recovering Liberal", having stopped drinking that brand of "cool-aid" back in "02". BTW "Dan", if'n I haven't said it afore, welcome to the Light mate!

Sadly, another friend of mine, Liz, who resides out in Jesse James's old stompin grounds out in Missourri has also just begun Chemo. Cookie would really appreciate it if y'all could find a moment to pray fer both of these two good folks and their loved ones!


I've always believed that "Laughter is one of the Best Medicines", and that's just one of several reasons why I try to post humor on this blog as much as possible. Just watching the evening news can depress the live'n hell outta ya, let alone all the various other blogs that post nuthin but politics and world events all day long. Sure, it's good to keep abreast of current events and situations, BUT DON'T MAKE IT A STEADY DIET!

Nuff Said!

Well Sir, like Obama said during his campaign, I guess this Cookie is gonna"cling to my guns and religion!"

Some motivational posters that'll give ya some food fer thought..


...and my buddy "The Chief", who's an avid, dyed in the wool Packers fan just sent me this jewel!

A Green Bay Packers Fan baby

A Green Bay Packers Fan is drinking in a Chicago bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical Green Bay baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Packer Fan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Green Bay baby boy.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!". One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Green Bay baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.
"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Green Bay father takes a slow swig from his Leinenkugel's beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,

"...Had him circumcised!"



"The Chief" said; "I love visiting a class blog. But, are you sure... you're not a Pittsburgh Stealers' fan?"

Cookie said; "Nope. As much as it pains me to side with you about anything **sigh**, I'm a Packers fan."

"Chief" said; "I kinda figured you might jump on our wagon, so we put on some heavy duty springs. Now, we gotta get one of those lifts, to help you aboard...!"

Cookie; "Actually, been on that wagon for a great many years." If' I had known you where on it also, I probably woulda gone over to the Steelers just to be contrare."

"Dapper Dan" said; "Cookie, Joyce and I both thank you and your blogging mates for your prayers. She's got a long road ahead but is one tough lady with a strong will. We have faith that she's going to lick this thing. Thanks also for the link to the Cumberland Post. I really like all these anti gun control pics in today's post and I just might borrow one or two, but I'll be sure to tell where I found them. Thanks again."

Cookie; You are most welcome Dan and may God speed Joyce in her recovery!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Tuesday Tidbits.

The Italian Virginity Test!

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. She says she is.

His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit - A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.

If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!', hit her with the shovel....then bury her with it!

Ahhh, No Comment. I'll leave that up to Y'all!

...and the customers respond.....


...and speak'n of fried chicken....

Little Johnny was asked what his favorite animal was....

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children.

So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...???

Darwin Award Nominees:

Directly below is an accumulation of the best Darwin Award nominees and the astoundingly stupid things they did to remove themselves from the human gene pool to earn a mention on this ignominious list.

Go ahead, feel good about yourself again -- read the list:

Nominee No. 1: from San Jose Mercury News:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girl friend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: from Kalamazoo Gazette:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo , Michigan, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck". Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft".

Nominee No. 3: from Hickory Daily Record:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, North Carolina. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Nominee No. 4: from UPI, Toronto, Canada:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: from The News of the Weird:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina 's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

Nominee No. 6: from The Indianapolis Star:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed when the weapon discharged in his face, said sheriff's investigators. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 7: from Reuters , Mississauga , Ontario:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer, of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said
Finally, the misnomered WINNER!!!: from Arkansas Democrat Gazette:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole 's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge .

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

(Note: Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

Now, don't you feel better about yourself?


"Dapper Dan" said; "Cookie, is that how Mario became Super Mario? Great Darwin stories all. But that winner, I'm still LMAO here."

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Monday Mix.

Now Sir, one a these here photygraffs is of a fine character actor named Pat Hingle, the other is of a cantankerous old Gyrene called "The Chief". Can ya spot who's who?


Just a mix of photygraffs I found lay'n around in Que....

"OK, smile kids! We're now RICH!!!"


Yup! Ya can take em out...but ya cain't dress em up! Learn how t'button yur coat asshat!! You dress almost as bad as yur wife!


Well Sir, that old scoundrel "The Chief" somehow got a hold of a photygraff of Cookie's long lost brother, "CupCake". Here t'is...

P.S., He was the one born with brains....I got the looks!


"The Chief" said; "Well, I guess the good thing is... he's your brother. I was afraid some mad scientist had actually cloned you! Phew! That would have been a real nightmare! Oh, and comparing me with Pat Hingle was a low blow... even for you."