Amazing true story, and of course, some good old Cookshack humor.
Obviously, this absolutely HUGE Leopard Seal thought the photographer was a young leopard seal and was trying to teach it how to eat and hunt. Very interesting short video.
Mary, despite her good looks and charm, had still never dated any
boys at the age of 19. Today she was asking her aunt Martha for
advice with boys.
"Aunt Martha," she started, "I've just started French kissing Tommy
and I need to know where the spit should go. I don't want to
dribble on my boyfriend."
"Swallow." Her aunt advised. "This will make you even more popular
later on."
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This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful!" exclaimed the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, He would personally greet me."
"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He said: "Who f*cked up your hair?"
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Well Sir, now here's real MAN-PURSE"!
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Bats
This is very timely: The latest newsletter from The Texas Gardener's Seeds said: Put up a bat house to encourage the presence of these shy animals. Bats consume 3,000 or more mosquitoes and other insects nightly. And bats are less likely to be rabid than dogs are. Need another reason? Bats are responsible for up to 95 percent of the seed dispersal essential to the regeneration of forests. Our planet is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the Bat Family ..... without the need for resorting to fiction.
Sucker-footed Bat
Red-Winged Fruit Bat
Left-Winged Ding Bat (also sometimes referred to as a "Left Winged MoonBat")
So, 2 out of 3 Bats have a useful purpose!
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A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"
Gotta give a BIG Cookshack thanks to "Chicago Charlie" fer all t'days jokes.
posted by Cookie..... @ 2:17 PM
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