...and I thought I had a bad day... and "The Dive's We've Known"..by Tommy Cox..

Well Sir....my old Gyrene buddy "Clint" frum out San Diego way( who was on the cover of "Bride" Magazine...see yesterdays first post), saw in yesterdays blog that I was in a lousy, rotten, bear of a mood and sent me these photygraffs of "So...you think yur havin a bad day".....

















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Well Sir...I just saw this little Sea-Shanty over at my buddy Myrons, and it's a song by Tommy Cox (I know all you old "Bubbleheads" out there recognize that name) about famous (actually infamous would be better)"Sub Bars" all over the world...

BTW...I've personally helped pay the mortgage on about one third of these here fine establishments..... "The Dive's We've Known"


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Now Sir....I'll just bet this announcer had t'go and change his skivvies followin this "fly-by"....


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....and, here be some real great advice fer all you mothers out there. Pay attention MightyMom...although I'm sure yur hubby "SubVet" has probably already told ya bout this.....BTW, fer those of y'all not in the know, a "boomer" is an FBM (Fleet Ballistic Missile) Submarine....

"Mothers, don't let yur babies grow up to ride Boomers"....

Just some good ol PotPourri.....

Now Sir....maybe its because if this gotdamned overcast, dark, dingy 40 degree weather...BUT...the Cookie is in a real cranky mood t'day....so...

...ENTER THE COOKSHACK AT YUR OWN RISK!
















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Gotta Thank "Charlie the Cop" fer this one.....

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.

As John Steinbeck once said:

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. (This definately describes Cookie....done it afore and ain't afraid to do it agin)

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck. (Learned that in the Military and 21 years as a Cop)

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy. (Yupper...I weighed between 190-210 lbs when I was on the job)

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him "Why do you carry a 45?" The Ranger responded, "Because they don't make a 46." (Today they make .50 cals)

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.( Just ask the good folks in LA and other cities with the likes of MS-13 and such gangs.)

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."

8. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!! (Got that freakin right mate!)

But wait, there's more!

I was once asked by a lady visiting if I had a gun in the house. I said I did. She said "Well I certainly hope it isn't loaded!" To which I said, of course it is loaded, can't work without bullets!" She then asked, "Are you that afraid of some one evil coming into your house?" My reply was, "No not at all. I am not afraid of the house catching fire either, but I have fire extinguishers around, and they are all loaded too." To which I'll add, having a gun in the house that isn't loaded is like having a car in the garage without gas in the tank.I'm a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment!
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YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

I Am the Liberal-Progressives-Secularists Worst Nightmare. I am an American.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some Liberal governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA.

If you were born here and don't like it you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. And I believe the so called "Reverend" Wright is already damned by God for his divisive Hate rhetoric. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. (I used to be one ....remember)

I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. (Same as Above)

And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good..... And I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes TWO parents.

I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.



We want our country back!

We NEED GOD BACK IN OUR COUNTRY!
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OK...can we all say..... "SNAFU". **sigh** Why am I NOT surprized....

More Stupid Government: Air Marshals on No Fly List

When government can't even get it right when it comes to the things they should be doing, why are so many so willing and eager for government to do more of the things they shouldn't be doing?

WaTimes:

False identifications based on a terrorist no-fly list have for years prevented some federal air marshals from boarding flights they are assigned to protect, according to officials with the agency, which is finally taking steps to address the problem.

Fer those of ya not in the know...SNAFU is an old Military acronym fer "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up".
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Oooop's......

Yupper...now I know "The Chief" will most certainly jump all over this one....



A begrudging "Hat-Tip" to that old Jarhead Clint Griffin frum San Diego fer sending this along...Here be a photygraff of Clint on this here Magazine...



JARHEADS! I thought I was done with em when I left The Navy....
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Regardin the above photygraff of Clint, y'all might just notice that he wears an Eye Patch (although its tough to tell from this pic)....well sir, I asked him once what happened to his eye...and here's what he told me...

I was walking past the mental hospital the other
day and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13....'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little
gap in the planks and looked through to see what was
going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting, '14....14....14....'


Thanks Sarah.....
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....and fer all you Golfers out there we have.....

Word of Wisdom From The Caddy

10 BEST GOLF CADDY REPLIES

GOLFER: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
CADDY: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

GOLFER: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
CADDY: "Try heaven, you've already moved the earth."

GOLFER: "Do you think my game is improving?"
CADDY: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

GOLFER: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
CADDY: "Eventually."

GOLFER: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
CADDY: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

GOLFER: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of
a
distraction."
CADDY: "It's not a watch sir, it's a compass."

GOLFER: "How do you like my game?"
CADDY: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

GOLFER: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
CADDY: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

GOLFER: "This is the worst course I've ever played on"
CADDY: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

#1 Best Caddy Comment:
GOLFER: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
CADDY: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

HAT-TIP to "Charlie the Cop" frum Chi-Town fer that great one......
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....and from Susan Gertson and my wife we have their sentiments regardin....

APPLES & WINE

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at
the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the
one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men...men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up
to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something
acceptable to have dinner with.
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...and agin frum Missy Susan....KIDS...ya gotta love em...

#1
Elephant

My four-year old Grandson, Jordan, is learning to read.
Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, ‘Look Grandpa! It’s a frickin’ elephant!’

I took a deep breath, then asked…
‘What did you call it?’

‘It’s a frickin’ Elephant, Grandpa!
It says so on the picture!’
and so it does…

A f r i c a n E l e p h a n t

#2 Farm Life

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

“Not yet.” said the little boy.

His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. No milk or nothing!

“How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him or should I?”
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It happened at the Denver Airport This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.'

The agent replied, 'I am sorry, sir I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.'

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, 'May I have your attention please, ' she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.'

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore 'F*** You!'.

Without flinching, she smiled and said, 'I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that too.'

Gotta Thank Sandy frum Tampa fer that classic....
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She was Soooooooo Blonde .

* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
* She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says "Sign here:" she wrote "Sagittarius."

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spen t 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."
* She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
* She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She was Soooooooo oooooooooooo Blonde...

* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde...

* When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
* She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
* She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
* She had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde..

She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company!

Thankee Charlie.....
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Tuesday and Wednesday Wanks....

Well Sir...my good naybor Daryl showed me a photygraff of himself and his twin brother Daryll that was sent to him by his Sister-Mother-Aunt. He told me that his Sister-Mother-Aunt spelt their names slightly differant so's she could tell em apart...

**Sigh**....Winters are soooo long here in Upstate, NY....


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Well Sir...my counter-part, "The Chief" frum over at Smolderin Embers sent me a link to a fun program fer y'all t'play with if'n ya got a mind to....you can put yur puss, or yur friends mug, like I did with "The Chief" below, on a magazine cover.....here be the link...

http://www.magmypic.com/




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The future of transportation in the near future......





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....and my Wolf/Dog "Czarina" finally made the Big Time....


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...NUDITY AHEAD!



I saw the first sign of summer today. ? ? ?





Those open toe'd shoes are a dead giveaway!
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Tuesday Tid-Bits... Ah...what the hell, I'll post it early....

Well Sir...my good buddy, that ever so humble, intelligent, charismatic, handsome and talented (at least that's what he tells me), "The Chief" frum "Smolderin Embers", has such respect and admiration fer this here Cookie, that he broke out his Photoshop program and made the followin composit fer me....



Thanks Chief...I'll treasure this always....
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Well Sir....I also learned here recently that the above self described individual, "The Chief", bein an old, "Gung Ho", Once a Marine-Always a Marine warrior, just recently started his own Old Marine's Drill Team....here be an example of some of their precision drill repertoire...


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The IRS decides to audit Boudreaux, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Boudreaux shows up with his attorney. The IRS had demanded $23,000 in taxes from Boudreaux due to unreported income.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Boudreaux. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Boudreaux says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Boudreaux removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Boudreaux says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Boudreaux isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Boudreaux removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Boudreaux's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Boudreaux asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Boudreaux stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Boudreaux's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Boudreaux told me he'd been summoned to appear in person before the IRS, he bet me twenty-thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
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The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a "mail order" bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said,

"She'll be twenty-one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.

Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

"How's the new wife?", asked the banker. Tom proudly said, "Good - she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant too."

Don't ever underestimate us old Geezers!
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The Jewelry Store

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with
a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another
ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check.
I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can
call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday
afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that
account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

Just goes t'show ya....there be more than one way to skin a puss....er...cat...
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Well Sir, Bill Balsamico, proprietor of the famous (or infamous dependin on yur point of view) Casa D'Ice, sent me the below chronology of twins...

Bill has some cool stuff over at his Store....Oh, and BTW...In case Y'all didn't know it, Bill is runnin fer President of these here United States, yupper, he is....and near as Cookie can tell, he beats the hell outta all three choices that we are now faced with. If'n ya gets a chance, stop on over to his "store" and check out some of his wares....





In the below video, Bill expresses his opinions and observations regardin the other candidates.....

Now...admittedly, Bill isn't exactly an exceptionally articulate or forceful public orator, but since he expresses simple, down to earth, honest observations and realities, it's refreshin to just sit back with my religion in one hand and my gun in t'other, and listen to him....


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Upon a visitin my good amiga MightyMom, I was reminded of this here Ray Stevens song from years back....and ya know, I just might make it The Cookshack's theme song....


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Cookshack HAT-TIPS to MightyMom, Missy Susan Gertson, "Charlie the Cop",and "fish" frum Kentucky fer some of the above submissions....