Saturday, December 13, 2008

Weekend Sundries...

To All my regulars...remember, I'm having some real pain in the ass problems with Blogger in that it won't "Save" anymore, forcing me to complete all posts in one shot, therefore, my post are being shortened for the sake of my sanity because I can't get in touch with anyone frum Blogger. Well, like they say, "Ya gets what ya pays fer" and since its free...GRRRRRR


Well Sir...I'll begin with some very Politically Correct Christmas greetins...

To All My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year !


...and without a doubt...this is the Bravest Soldier there ever was....


Now Sir...Here be some letters to Santa.....

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.
I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about
I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
At least HE can spell.


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please
See what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly?
It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.


Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me.
You're getting a sweater again.

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.
Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,

Friday, December 12, 2008

Here's a real life tear jerker fer y'all...get yur kleenex out...and it's a True Story!

I haven't had a chance yet to fully ascertain if'n this is a true story or not (it's supposed to be), but who's a real good read and heartwarmin story...

In Phoenix , Arizona a 26-year-old mother stared down

at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness,

she also had a strong feeling of determination.
Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up &
fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible..

The leukemia would see to that. But she still
wanted her son's dream to come true.

She took her son' s hand and asked,
'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted
to be once you grew up?
Did you ever dream and wish what you would
do with your life?'

Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman
when I grew up.'

Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can
make your wish come true.'

Later that day she went to her local fire
Department in Phoenix , A rizona , where she met
Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix!

She explained her son's final wish and
Asked if it might be possible
to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine

Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can do
better than that. If you'll have your son ready at
seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make
him an honorary Fireman for the whole day.
He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,
go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!

And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform
for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy -- one-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'

'They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix ,
so we can get them fast.'

Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy,
dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.

Billy got to sit on the back of the truck
and help steer it back to the fire station.
He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day
and Billy got to go out on all three calls.

He rode in the different fire engines,
the Paramedic's' van,
and even the fire chief's car.

He was also videotaped for the
local news program.

Having his dream come true,
with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to
drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed
in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy had spent
as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and
asked if it would be possible to send a fireman
in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, 'We can do better than that.
We'll be there in five minutes.. Will you please do me a favor?

When you hear the sirens screaming and see the
lights flashing, will you announce over the
PA system that there is not a fire?'

'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will
you open the window to his room?'

About five minutes later a
hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window--------
16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room

With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.

His dying breath,
Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,

'Chief, am I really a fireman now?'

'Billy, you are, and
The Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,' the chief said

With those words, Billy smiled and said,
'I know, He's Been holding my hand all day, and The angels have been

He closed his eyes one last time.

** NOTE** Upon checking "Snopes" and another source, this is indeed a True Story!

Gotta Thank "Charlie The Cop" for sending me that one...THANKS MATE!

Friday Frolics....

Photobucket PARTIAL NUDITY AHEAD!! idea frum this man that I can agree with....


Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Bill Clinton




Only a person in Texas could think of this.

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story:

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar
in Austin , Texas after last call the officer noticed a man
leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes As some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started
up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.

This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck.

'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

Gotta Thank "FishinMagician" fer that one.....

...and my buddy "Fish" frum down Kentucky way relates a story that happened t'him recently.....

As I booked into a hotel, I said to the receptionist,

"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

"No," she says, "It's regular porn, you sick bastard.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

"Sig" strikes out.....

Well many of y'all already know, my good buddy "Sig" frum over at "Signal 94" missed a deer earlier this huntin season, and guess what? The Cookshack has obtained exclusive video of Sig's "miss"-adventure....

A Big Old Cookshack HAT TIP to "FishinMagician" fer sendin old Cookie the evidence...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Hey "Sig"...Take a lesson frum this here hunter....and a good idear...

BUT first...this is what the Christmas Season is all about.....


Ya Know...I linda like this here idear....

Brilliant plan.

You know what would really TICK OFF the Democrats ...

Bush should resign now.

Then Dick Cheney becomes President (that would really Tick OFF the libs)!

Then Cheney appoints Condoleezza Rice as Vice President.

Then Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleezza Rice, A Republican,
becomes the first BLACK and first WOMAN President!!!

Well Sir, my buddy "Sig" who was out deer huntin this year, had the experience of missin the only deer he saw all season.

Now Sir, this hunter shows some real patience when it comes to here Moose cow and her calf....ya won't believe how close the moose comes to the hunter and the camera man...

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Some Gun Safety, and Open up yur hearts (and wallets) fer this here poor soul.

Plaxico and "Gun Safety"....


WOW...this guys really hit hard times....

This plea fer help comes to us via that big hearted guy, "Chicago Charlie"....


Monday, December 08, 2008

WOW! The "Hooter's" Calendar ....

WOW!! I was just visitin over at "The Chieftan's" and he had just posted the " 2008 Hooters Calendar" that somehow I missed earlier in the year, and I just had to borrow it to share with all you folks who really appreciate natural beauty....





Looks like the "Pussy Posse" is about to strike....

"OK men, let's get these here "Jail-Birds".

"Was it good fer you???"

"Just wait till I get outta this here water. I'm gonna scratch yur balls off amigo..."

Hey "Sig"...this ones fer you....

Well Sir...since I'm still havin all kinds of saving and storage problems with "blogger", and it just piss's me off to have to use "Word" or "Office" to compile my posts and then transfer everything, frum here on out, the posts will probably be short and done in one quck and easy step.

Now buddy "Sig" wrote a post about how he went a huntin with his SIL and missed the only deer he'd seen all season. "Sig" here's yur answer mate...I'll get ya one fer Christmas.....

...and regardin bein quick (pun intended) when ya see the deer, maybe this'll help ya....?

OR....Ya can hunt smarter, not harder, like these here Lions....

Sunday, December 07, 2008

December 7, 1941, "A date that will live in Infamy."....

Hmmm....but first...I often wundered just how this here tradition got started....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Well Sir...still got some "Save" problems, but as long as I publish immediately after compilation, I can at least post some things....

The Arizona Memorial....

...the wife and I were fortunate enough to have visited here a few years back. It was a solemn and beautiful experience....there are still many hundreds of her crew in her hull...

...and here be a real "Blast Frum The Past", and I mean really, REALY Past, almost 100 years old past. However, the sentiment of the song remains pertinent to today.....