JUST A GOOD OLD FASHIONED PATRIOTIC BLOG, with
Backwoods straite tawk, views, wizdom & recipees frum the man that duz the cookin...."Cookie". Scroll Through "SEARCH THIS BLOG", "ARCHIVES" or "PREVIOUS POSTS" fer the various RECIPEE'S....
Y'all Remember..."NEVER TRUST A SKINNY COOK".
Now THIS is Cookie's kinda "Boat"! The BEST kind of MARINE is a SUBMARINE!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Gettin awfull sick of this shit.....
My good amiga Susan Gertson frum Eagle Lake, Texas sent me this, and I gotta say, this kind of shit is really gettin old and beginnin t'piss me off more and more...
I know a few of you military friends will L-O-V-E this one:
What IS this Country comin to? Master Sgt. Sued for Tiny American Flags
This from "Gathering of Eagles'" website:
You may or may not have read about Master/Sgt. Denise James and the suit filed against her by [the] condominium association where she lives. Her hearing has been re-scheduled for Aug. 25, 2008 at 11:30 am before Judge Carla Swearingn in McKees Rocks, Pa.
We are asking everyone to attend this hearing in her support and to support the flying of the American Flag. Wear your VVA/AVVA T shirts, ball hats, vest. I am also asking the Patriot Guard Riders and Rolling Thunder to attend.
Denise is being fined $10.00 a day in the suit everyday she flies her small American Flags in front of her condo. Someone tell me, is this still AMERICA?
Denise has served with the 171st Refueling Wing, Pa. National Guard for 25 years and this is how we tell her Thank YOU?
You may send a card to the condo association:
McKenzie Place Condominiums Assoc. 2500 Kenzie Drive Pittsburgh, Pa. 15205
Ms. James has asked to attend our meeting of Vietnam Veterans Of America, Chapter 862 July 16. Please come and show your support.
We and these troops have fought for the freedom…..and I can not think of a group or one person who can tell her or us that you cannot fly OUR American Flag.
IT’S TIME WE MAKE A STAND !
L.Skip Haswell, President Vietnam Veterans Of America Chapter 862/ Pa.State VVA Vice President
It would seem the Condo Association got wind of the fire storm they were creating and added this to the FRONT PAGE of their website (in bold red font):
"IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO FLY A FLAG OFF OF YOUR POST, PLEASE CONTACT BRENDAN AT ____. HE WILL BE ABLE TO ASSIST YOU. THE BOARD HAS APPROVED FLAG POLE LOCATIONS AND INSTALLATIONS DONE BY THE MAINTENANCE STAFF ONLY."
Look at how small her flags are...did she need a maintenance man to poke them into her plants...?!
Yupper...startin t'get ready fer Deer Season.......
______________________________________
...and these here are some old (VERY OLD) photygraff's of a young, wannabe fire-pisser who thought he was a "Bad-Ass" back in the day. When "The Chief" sent me these photygraffs, he wanted to remain anonymous...so I won't tell ya who he is....
_____________________________________
__________________________________
....and, of course, I gotta get in my daily shot at Obama....
_________________________________
....and Patrick sends us this here photygraff of a small fish (Sturgeon) caught in Lake Erie...
______________________________________
Question -
When you apply for Welfare in Mexico what does that Government give you?
Answer –
A map of the United States _____________________________________
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blond girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No. . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times. ____________________________________
Now Sir...fer all you real dedicated Beer Drinkers out there....
Uh Oh! Look out men!
______________________________________
Just a friendly WARNIN fer Y'all regardin CHOCOLATE...
Looks Good, right???
DO YOU EAT CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE?
We were raised on CADBURY'S chocolate as kids, and even into adulthood. I will never eat it again! I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any . It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.
This is what happens when you eat CADBURY'S chocolate!
THIS IS A MEDICAL WARNING!! It could happen to you, your family and friends!!
You get Small Feet!! ______________________________________
Well Sir...my good amiga Sarah sent this recent survey to us.....
Women's Ass Size Study
There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their Asses. The results are pretty shocking:
1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway. ______________________________________
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So, I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, 'WELL brothers, you KNOW that WE don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to READ to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrassle. We wrassled DOWN one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So right quick-like, I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says,
'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.' ________________________________________
THE OLD COWBOY
A TOUGH OLD COWBOY FROM SOUTH TEXAS COUNSELED HIS GRANDSON THAT IF HE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HIS OATMEAL EVERY MORNING.
THE GRANDSON DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY TO THE AGE OF 103
WHEN HE DIED. HE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRAND-CHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN,
AND A 15 FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE ! _______________________________________
For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you kn ow what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.' ______________________________________
Man....ain't this the truth....
How’s this quote from 145 years ago or so! Doesn’t this still ring true today?
During this political season let's be reminded of these wise words, and maybe somebody autta tell Obama as well......
"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
"You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. "
"You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. "
"You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. "
"You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred."
"You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence."
"You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves".
Well Sir...I think Y'all will really get a kick outta this here all to short video....
___________________________________________
New from Apple Computers....
Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a new chip device that can store and play music in women’s breast implants.
The iBoob will cost between $500 and $600.
This new device is considered a major break- through because women have historically complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Thanks to Apple, both genders can now be happier!
_____________________________________
...and if'n yur a Golfer...y'all will love these...
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a Policeman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Policeman fumed, 'What's with those guys? We have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese Businessman yelled out 'Get moving, time is money'
The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper, maybe he can do something about this'
'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
George the greens keeper replied, 'Yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls'
The Policeman said, 'Why the fuck don't they play at night?'
A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
*******************************************
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son? "
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray. "
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down"
*******************************************
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?" Yes, yes, I did."
The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times just put me down for a five."
**********************************
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer", to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"
******************************
The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
_____________________________________
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (or the uncertainty of the English language)
--------------------------
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you? 'Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name!
-----------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.' -----------------------------------
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' --------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids'. -------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you'. The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' -------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder. 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records. -----------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute..' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. -----------------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ----------------------------------
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.'
-------------------------------------------------- A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'OOPS' --------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
__________________________________________
Well Sir...we all have t'learn t'deal with some dissapointment frum time t'time...
____________________________________
Gotta give a big Cookshack Thanks to both "Charlie the Cop" and Susan Gertson fer sendin these along to us....
Well Sir....this old Cookie man has one very busy week ahead of him gettin ready fer the Grand Opening of the Gregory J Harris Military Courtesy Room at the Syracuse International Airport on the 29th of this month...Soooo...you guessed it. Posting will be sporadic at best until things settle down and we get completely organized....
Thanks fer stoppin by mates.... _______________________________________
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little shit.............
____________________________________
________________________________
BTW...yesterdays "Thumb" joke was sent to me by Missy Sandy frum Tampa Bay...
____________________________________
...and "Nedgar" sends us this one....
The Facelift
A Woman had a facelift for her 50th birthday
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 32,' is the reply.
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.' Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'
'I promise I won't,' she says.
'I was behind you in McDonald's.' _____________________________________________
"Survived By...." sent to us bu "Charlie the Cop"....
I'm just an old Vietnam era Disabled Veteran Seabee, (and an old "Diesel-Boat" Sub-Sailer ) who's just a killin time...till time kills me. After retiring from many years in Law Enforcement as a Detective Sergeant, I now spends most a m'time a cookin fer feller sportsmen(and m' Wife) & writin a cook'n column fer a Fish & Game Magazine. I Hunt & Fish and don't care much fer liberals or ACLUers. I live in a small northern NY town on Oneida Lake, and like it that way. I can be as cantankerous as a Grizzly Bear with a tooth ache, or as cuddly as a Teddy Bear...mostly the former...
