Saturday, July 26, 2008

Gettin awfull sick of this shit.....

My good amiga Susan Gertson frum Eagle Lake, Texas sent me this, and I gotta say, this kind of shit is really gettin old and beginnin t'piss me off more and more...

I know a few of you military friends will L-O-V-E this one:

What IS this Country comin to?
Master Sgt. Sued for Tiny American Flags

This from "Gathering of Eagles'" website:

You may or may not have read about Master/Sgt. Denise James and the suit filed against her by [the] condominium association where she lives. Her hearing has been re-scheduled for Aug. 25, 2008 at 11:30 am before Judge Carla Swearingn in McKees Rocks, Pa.

We are asking everyone to attend this hearing in her support and to support the flying of the American Flag. Wear your VVA/AVVA T shirts, ball hats, vest. I am also asking the Patriot Guard Riders and Rolling Thunder to attend.

Denise is being fined $10.00 a day in the suit everyday she flies her small American Flags in front of her condo. Someone tell me, is this still AMERICA?

Denise has served with the 171st Refueling Wing, Pa. National Guard for 25 years and this is how we tell her Thank YOU?

You may send a card to the condo association:

McKenzie Place Condominiums Assoc.
2500 Kenzie Drive
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15205


Go to the web site and send an e mail

Ms. James has asked to attend our meeting of Vietnam Veterans Of America, Chapter 862 July 16. Please come and show your support.

We and these troops have fought for the freedom…..and I can not think of a group or one person who can tell her or us that you cannot fly OUR American Flag.


L.Skip Haswell, President
Vietnam Veterans Of America
Chapter 862/ Pa.State VVA Vice President

It would seem the Condo Association got wind of the fire storm they were creating and added this to the FRONT PAGE of their website (in bold red font):


Look at how small her flags are...did she need a maintenance man to poke them into her plants...?!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday & Saturday Sundries....


How t'handle bad service...I like this guy....

Yupper...startin t'get ready fer Deer Season.......


...and these here are some old (VERY OLD) photygraff's of a young, wannabe fire-pisser who thought he was a "Bad-Ass" back in the day. When "The Chief" sent me these photygraffs, he wanted to remain I won't tell ya who he is....



....and, of course, I gotta get in my daily shot at Obama....


....and Patrick sends us this here photygraff of a small fish (Sturgeon) caught in Lake Erie...


Question -

When you apply for Welfare
in Mexico what does that Government give you?

Answer –

A map of the United States

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No. .
not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

....Now Sir....THIS is my kinda guy.......


Thursday, July 24, 2008


Now Sir...fer all you real dedicated Beer Drinkers out there....

Uh Oh! Look out men!


Just a friendly WARNIN fer Y'all regardin CHOCOLATE...

Looks Good, right???


We were raised on CADBURY'S chocolate as kids, and even into adulthood.
I will never eat it again! I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any . It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.

This is what happens when you eat CADBURY'S chocolate!

It could happen to you, your family and friends!!


You get Small Feet!!

Well good amiga Sarah sent this recent survey to us.....

Women's Ass Size Study

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their Asses. The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa .

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. 'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So, I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, 'WELL brothers, you KNOW that WE don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to READ to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrassle. We wrassled DOWN one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So right quick-like, I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says,

'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'






For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the
service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how
consultants can make a difference to an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that
the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It
seemed a little strange.

When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in
his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons
in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to
revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded
that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a
drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our
personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to
the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen,
instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the
waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same
string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the

'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in
the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you kn ow what, we can
pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands,
shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

Man....ain't this the truth....

How’s this quote from 145 years ago or so! Doesn’t this still ring true today?

During this political season let's be reminded of these wise words, and maybe somebody autta tell Obama as well......

"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

"You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. "

"You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. "

"You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. "

"You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred."

"You cannot build character and courage by taking away men's initiative and independence."

"You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves".

---Abraham Lincoln---

A Big Ol Cookshack HAT TIP to "Chicago Charlie" and Susan Gertson fer these here funnies......

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Fractured Funnies....

Well Sir...I think Y'all will really get a kick outta this here all to short video....


New from Apple Computers....

Apple Computers announced today that it has
developed a new chip device that can store
and play music in women’s breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $500 and $600.

This new device is considered a major break-
through because women have historically
complained about men staring at their breasts
and not listening to them.

Thanks to Apple, both genders can now be happier!


...and if'n yur a Golfer...y'all will love these...

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a
Policeman were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Policeman fumed, 'What's with those guys? We have been
waiting for fifteen minutes!'

The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I've never seen such poor golf!'

The Chinese Businessman yelled out 'Get moving, time is money'

The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper, maybe
he can do something about this'

'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

George the greens keeper replied, 'Yes. That's a group of blind
fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime.'

The group fell silent for a moment.

The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a
special prayer for them tonight.'

The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my

ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything
he can do for them.'

The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to
the fire-fighters in honor of these brave souls'

The Policeman said, 'Why the fuck don't they play at night?'

Subject: Golf Jokes

A gushy reporter told Phil Michelson, "You are spectacular,
your name is synonymous with the game of golf.
You really know your way around the course.
What's your secret?"

Michelson replied, "The holes are numbered."


A young man and a priest are playing together.
At a short par-3 the priest asks,
"What are you going to use on this
hole my son? "

The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray. "

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my
church when we pray, we keep our head down"


Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?" Yes, yes, I did."

The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her,
hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times
just put me down for a five."


A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and
his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening
between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked,
you a good golfer", to which the man replied: "Got here in two,
didn't I?"


The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar,
the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to
take all day, is it?"


(or the uncertainty of the English language)


Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?
'Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name!


A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids'.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you'.
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute..'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun?!
What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell.'

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.


Well Sir...we all have t'learn t'deal with some dissapointment frum time t'time...


Gotta give a big Cookshack Thanks to both "Charlie the Cop" and Susan Gertson fer sendin these along to us....

Monday, July 21, 2008


Well Sir....this old Cookie man has one very busy week ahead of him gettin ready fer the Grand Opening of the Gregory J Harris Military Courtesy Room at the Syracuse International Airport on the 29th of this guessed it. Posting will be sporadic at best until things settle down and we get completely organized....

Thanks fer stoppin by mates....

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sunday shorts...

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the
11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and
asked him to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was
wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An,
ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error

'No,' I replied. 'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll
figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T ... I used to like the little shit.............



BTW...yesterdays "Thumb" joke was sent to me by Missy Sandy frum Tampa Bay...


...and "Nedgar" sends us this one....

The Facelift

A Woman had a facelift for her 50th birthday

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my
asking, but how old do you think I am?'

'About 32,' is the reply.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug
store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some
mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting
next to her the same question.

He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds
very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets
the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and
he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs
them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old
am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could
you tell?'

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

'I promise I won't,' she says.

'I was behind you in McDonald's.'

"Survived By...." sent to us bu "Charlie the Cop"....