Alllright...No more bad taste posts... fer a while..

Well sir...I think I'll start the day by pickin on the Dimmicrats...

Now Sir...y'all know I cain't be leavin the Dimmi's alone....

...and lets admit it...they make a mighty temptin target fer humor.....

...so...when I saw the next photygraph...I just couldn't help but think of all the Dimm's out there that this applies.....

OK...continuin on with some more potpouri of various humorous photygraphs.....

...ya know....Florida ain't the only place that produces stupid voters (last election), politicians and government wurkers.....

...No Sir....I know y'all won't believe this but...right here in good old New York State we got us some real idjits when it comes to public wurks....case in point...

...Movin on...I used t'wurk in the TSA (Transportation Security Agency)...no jokes please....anyways...one a the duties is t'make sure that people enterin the Security Checkpoint area are divested of all metal on their persons...as the "Walk Through Metal Detectors" are set very sensitive...and will go off at the slightest amount of metal on yur person...or in yur clothin.....

....so...it stands to reason that I really took some inward delight when people like the next gentlement would approach the Security Checkpoint.....

"Excuse Me...Sir...would you please remove ALL metal from yur person...thank you....."...

hehehehehe (sadistic laugh)....

..."I'm sorry what ? Yes Sir...thats correct...ALL metal...or you won't be allowed to fly the...hehehehe (more sadistic laugh) Friendly Skies".....

...and closin out the day.....somethin that no man wants t'see when he goes to the "little boys room"...

OK..just a bit more bad taste (actually..alot more) ..just a pushin that envelope...

Muslim Heaven,

July 12, 2006

Al Qaeda leader "Abu Musab al-Zarqawi", killed by US Forces in Iraq a few weeks back, has just met with the first of his 72 virgins that Allah promised!

Daily News reporter Jack Angill captured THIS exclusive photo of Mr.al-Zarqawi with his first virgin.

"ALLAH IS GOOD!!"

As Larry the Cable Guy would say..."I don't care who ya are...that's funny right there..."

"A good old Cookshack Hat-Tip to John fer sendin me this here photygraph.....

HILLARY'S FLIGHT CRASHES JUST BEFORE LANDING ....

Yupper...it seems our esteemed Senator, Hillary Rohdam Clinton's flight crashed just short of the runway here in Syracuse due to heavy fog in the area at the time. The Senator was unharmed....but was shaken up over the incident. Here is a photygraph of the crash scene..............

OK....I know...sophomoric...but as my good Marine buddy Fits once said..."ain't all comedy sophomoric" ...somethin t'ponder I reckon.....

Now Sir...y'all might recall that a couple a weeks back....I had some pretty damn serious floodin here at the old hacienda....in fact...suffered some home damage frum the water in the basement.....

...anyways...one a my neighbors...Cletus...broke out his brandy spankin new digital camera and took this here photygraph...which gives y'all an idear bout how deep and intense the floodin was.....

Yupper...that was some flood it was....

Movin on....now I realize that most a y'all have seen a picture or two of my good naybor...Cletus...but while he was a photygraphin this here picture...one a my other naybors done took a new photygraph of Cletus a little later whilst he was helpin folks durin the flood.....

Oh...BTW...at the time that this here pitcher was taken... Cletus just happened t'be dressed up in his "Sunday go t'meetin cloths" and was on his way to church when the flood hit...so that will explain all the good cloths he be a wearin.....

....Now Sir....a few posts back...my good frend...WTR...over at White Trash Republican...said two things...the first was that she thought I just might be "pushin the envelope of Good Taste" a might...and I kinda had to agree with her.....

...then she said that cause many other blogs are doin nuthin but coverin all the serious and bad news in the wurld...that she was officially appointin this here Cookie as "Morale Officer" cause I tend to mostly lean to the humorous side in my posts....

Soooo...not t'make any comment regardin the next two photygraph's...I'll let y'all see whatever it is ya see...and think...whatever it is y'all think..... Adios and be tawkin atcha tomorrow....Cookie...

ADDENDUM: If'n y'all wanna see somethin funny...get yur butts on over to "A Geezers Corner" and watch "scream like a girl"......

"Pushin the envelope of good taste..."

Well Sir...In m'last post...missy WTR from out Missouri way accused me (jokinly a course) of "pushin the envelope of good taste" ...and....upon reviewin some a my previous posts...I'm guessin she just might be right.....

....so...now that these here Olympic Safe Sex condoments... er...condoms done got yur attention...lets continue pushin shall we....

Next up in photygraphs with absolutely no morale purpose what-so-ever is what I consider to be the best beer commercial EVER. Now Sir...I don't drink...but after seein this here commercial...I can think of some times & places when I did drink where this here Foster's beer woulda come in mighty handy....specially the next mornin when ya woke up and saw what ya just spent the night with.....

...and ya know....they used t'say that ya couldn't be an alcoholic if'n ya didn't drink alone...well sir...I'm here t'say that I never drank alone...no sir...I always drank with my good old drinkin buddy...Cletus....

...ahhhh....just wait a minute or two folks while I look a little closer at this here beer commercial fer a spell...I cain't be sure...but I think I know her frum somewhere...

YUPPER! Thought so! She one a the dancers down at the nudie bar in good old Fulton, NY. That there hefty lady (more like Heffer) on the left is known as "Three Pole Minnie" cause one pole won't hold her up durin her dance routine.....

Now Sir...I don't wanna say things are bad in Fulton, NY...but what they say is..."What d'ya call a real pretty woman in Fulton, NY.....A TOURIST!"

....anyways...back t'my drinkin buddy...this here handsome guy on the left is Cletus...we drank t'gether fer years we did......

...there were times when we tawked till 4 or 5 am in the mornin....and had some mighty in depth conversations we did......

...now...it's fer sure that alcyhol done got old Cletus.... it seems he had a touch too much to drink one night and his liver gave out... Yupper...gave out when the Rat Trap he was pokin around in came down on his liver.... killed him right quick like it did....

OK...now...this last picture...well...I ain't gonna say nuthin. I'm just gonna let y'all come up with whatever thoughts come inta yur mind...that way....the "bad taste" ain't on me and it's in yur magination.....nuff said...adios amiga's and amiga's.....the Cookie....

Just a Quickie...

Well Sir...now I know just where t'go when I'm up Shit Creek.....

...and by the way...we all know what a "Quickie" is...but not many people know that a "Coolie" is a "Quickie" in the snow......

I know...that was bad...anyways...movin on cause I haven't got much time today fer bloggin.....gotta alot a wurk to get done around the ranch......

...and the way things are a goin with our kids...they'll either be 200 pounds by age 10...or they'll go the other way and....well....this is the "Barbie" doll of the future......

Now Sir....my good buddy Guyk over at Charming, Just Charming sent me a test...and I love the challange of takin tests...and...I FAILED!!! If'n y'all think yur smart...and ya got a strong heart...take this test in the LINK BELOW.... TURN YUR SOUND ON so's y'all can hear the commentator tell ya the answers.....ya gotta find three (3) differances in the two pictures....Good Luck....Ya gotta look real close.....

http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf

OK...gotta go feed the mass's.....y'all take care and God Bless... Cookie.....

A Mid-Summer's day potpouri (No..t'aint Shakespear) of some really humorous pix and stories.

Now Sir....Men...here's a sign ya surely don't ever wanna see when yur drivin down the Interstate...this is most definately one a those times when one would utter those famous wurds... "Ohhhh Shit!"...

Whoa....now that would most certainly ruin yur day (and yur life) if'n y'all had been out foolin round in places where ya shouldn't a been......

OK...now, as most a ya know...my philosophy regarding my blog is kinda simple. There's a whole passel of shit goin on out there in the wurld...and an even larger passel of blogs that y'all can go to and read about that disturbin news....

....so...I kinda just like to put up some photygraphs that just might tickle yur funnybone and take yur mind off'n the bad news....so lets get started....

Fer instance...this here's is a photygraph of a real "Food Pyramid"...don'tcha all agree....

...and while we're pokin around in the animal kingdom....

I was out huntin last fall...and as is my custom...I was carryin a good ol reliable 35 mm...FILM loaded camera (I really don't care fer the new digitals...just stuck in my ways I guess) along with my gun.... and I manage to get three deer with one shot....THREE deers with one shot....

...and...just how in the hell did y'all manage get three deer with one shot y'all might ask (thinkin I was a typical lyin hunter with a typical bravado, macho view of himself)....

Well Sir...afore I put the venison on the table fer the winter...I took this here photygraph cause I was a knowin that no one would be a believin this here Cookie.....so here's the proof matey's.....

...a manege' trois in the woods....who'da thunk it...

Now Sir...I must admit that bein a guy and all....I did give some thought to lettin em all finish their foolin around...you know...let em all relax, have a smoke or two...maybe do a little bit a cuddlin and such (they tells me doe's like that) ...but I just couldn't take the chance that them there bucks might just be the "Wham, Bam thank ya Mam" types and scoot afore I could put em all in the freezer...so's I engaged in some rather rude (and terminal) "coitus interuptus"....

Well Sir...as long as I'm still writin bout the animal wurld...here's a little photygraph of an incident that happened to my ugly neighbor...man is she ugly. I thought that she was the ugliest woman I had ever done met...that is till I met her sister...then I retracted my statement...but that's anuther story....

...now...it seems that both her and her butt ugly sister were gonna have a portrait taken of the two of em (man....that photygraph surely woulda been a mirror breaker), and on the day that the photygrapher came to her house, just as he was bout to take the family portrait of the two of em...her dog came walkin outta the bedroom...and the photygraper took this here picture instead...he just couldn't resist.....

...the dog ain't been seen or heard of since....

I guess ya could say that dog was a real "dilly" ....if'n y'all get my drift...

Well...what the hell...been writin bout animals througout this here post...might as well close it out with one last animal related photygraph....

As y'all know...I'm a cook...and like most good cook's...I like to experiment frum time t'time...so, I decided to try somethin new fer dessert usin a whole passel of Girly Scout cookies...and in the below picture...y'all can pretty much see the cookin process I used...and a course like any cook...I wanted my creation to have a special style, ambiance and presentation to it...so...I sculptured my cookie mixture inta real fancy "swirly" design...baked it fer a time...and served it up to my five guests after dinner....

...here's the results....

Now...I know ya ain't sposed to do it...but I often let my Wolf-Dog, Czarina, sit next to me at the dinner table...and I give her a bite of the meal evry now and agin...and she absolutely loved everythin that I made that night...specially the dessert...but fer some strange reason...I had a whole passel of left over dessert....the guests just didn't seem to even wanna try it.....

Oh well...just more fer me and the Mrs, to enjoy....even though she informed me that she had just started a diet that day and coudn't have any dessert.....

...and...if'n y'all only looked at the pictures...ya missed half of the funny...

yur loss! Y'all take care now and God Bless....the Cookie Man.....

Some good ol Red Skelton TV humor.. Also.. Why NOT to get married on a Nude Beach

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR A GOOD MARRAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" ... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it.........this is the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun

A Cookshack Hat-Tip to The Doubting Thomas fer sendin over the dialogue.....

Unbelievable Ghost footage.....

Well Sir....I know some a ya have already seen this here footage afore...cause I was so impressed with it that I sent it to many of my blogoshpere buddies...but fer those a ya that ain't seen this video...it'll make y'all believers in Ghosts...... ***Fits(Bob)..Don't watch this, it's really too scarey!

Now...first off...TURN YUR SOUND UP. ...so's ya can hear what the commentator says when they see the Ghost. What's happening is a video crew is shootin a car commercial in England...and as the car emerges from the other side of a large hedge (right side)...they catch a Ghost in the video...YA GOTTA LOOK CLOSE!.....It's really quite amazing!

Moshe, "Little Moshe", ... and me......

Well Sir... like many folks...I been followin the events occurin over in Israel and Lebonon pretty closely. Now mam....as I was watchin Fox News yesterday, they was a showin video footage of various Israeli soldiers that had been makin some of the incursions inta Lebonon and...upon see'n this one soldier... an old memory came to mind about somethin that happened to this here Cookie when I was still a young Police Officer...back around 1969 or 70 or so......

Now Sir... this here story probly won't be of much interest to some folks...but I think all you combat vets out there will...in some way or t'other...be able to relate to it.....but who knows...maybe others might enjoy it as well......

....Now Sir...if'n yur a squeamish type person....I'm tellin ya right now y'all should stop readin this here story right here cause parts of it are gonna be a little bit "graphic"....so...Y'all been warned.....

Israel was still ridin high comin off their tremendous victory of "The Six Day" war...and their victorious Commandin General...Moshe Dayan...was touring around the United States...goin to Jewish Synagogue's across the country raisin money fer Israeli War Bonds......

Well Sir...just afore he was due to come to good old Syracuse, NY fer his visit to one of our Jewish Temple's....cause of my previous Military background...I was assigned to be part of the local Security Team that would be paired up with Mr. Dayan's own personal Security team that traveled with him.......

So....on the day they arrived....I was paired up with an Israeli Soldier...who was in plain cloths (as were we all)...and he was introduced to me as "Moshe"...I don't remember his last name. Well Sir...I took one look at him and immediately thought to myself...."What the fuck!". He was obviously well built...but....he was only about 5'4...5'5'...at the frickin most! Naturally...my next thought was "Holy Mother of Jesus...I hope t' hell nuthin breaks loose cause this little shit is gonna be useless as my back-up...."

As the day wore on...and we escorted General Dayan's vehicle from the Airport to the Synagogue....I saw somethin in my partner Moshe's eye's that set me "un-easy"....somethin I'd seen afore but couldn't immediately place....fer one thing...I couldn't "read" the man...that always makes me on edge...but there was somethin else......

The evening events started with a fine Jewish dinner at the Temple. Our security table was directly next to General Dayan's table. Now Sir...me bein a Christian (a "goyim" to some)...and not familiar with Jewish food (I didn't cook in those days)...I had absolutely no idear just what the hell I was eatin...but it tasted great. I asked Moshe what a particular sausage type food was...and he simply replied..."don't ask". OooooKay I thought......I had seconds anyway.....

As the meal neared its completion...he asked me..."What kind of weapon are you carrying?"....I replied..."a 9mm automatic". He simple winced and shoot his head while continuing to eat. "What?" said I questioningly....puzzled at his reaction. Without stopping eating...he simply replied..."The 9mm ammunition is no good...and my Automatic jammed in close combat battle during the war and I had to gut the man with my knife...messy...but effective." He continued..."I also had to slit another man's throat...I don't trust Automatics anymore.", casually opening his suit jacket to expose a .45 caliber Revolver.......

Then it hit me....."That's what I saw in his eye's! "I thought. It's not quit the detached and calloused "Thousand yard stare" of someone who has seen too much bloody combat...but it's that look in the eye's of a man who has had to kill and has managed to detach his feelings from the event.....a look I'd seen in many other Vietnam vets.....that's what I saw in this very short Security body guard to Israel's most famous General. I instantly had a whole new respect for this man and the Israeli soldier in general.....

...and BTW....I was also very priviledged and honored to have met General Dayan and we had a very nice, in-depth conversation.......

If today's IDF (Israeli Defense Force) soldier is anything like "little Moshe" (my nickname for him), then the problems with Hezzbolah should hopefully be over shortly......

Lesson learned...."It's not how big the fight is that the man is in...it's how big the fight is in the man..."

Cookie........