Saturday, February 10, 2007

A Texas Ball-Buster.....

Well y'all know...a couple of my last few posts have been about the fact that many of us here in upstate New york (includin this here Cookie) are literally buried under 8-10 feet of snow...with yet more to come....

So...naturally... there had t'be at least one ball-bustin person out there who just couldn't resist sendin the old Cookie these here photygraffs...

and that person was Missy Sue frum Eagle Lake, Texas...THANKS ALOT LADY...

Friday, February 09, 2007

Hey Vets...a heads-up....

Yupper...this old boy is probably gonna be there.....check it out....
HAT TIP: Bill's Bites...


Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Transition begins....

Hillary Clinton called Bill into her office one day and said, 'Bill, I have a great idea! I know how we can win back middle America and secure my presidential victory in 2008'.

'Great, but how do you propose we go about that, asked Bill? Well, Hillary responds - We'll go down to a local Wal-Mart, get some cheezy clothes and shoes, like most middle Americans wear and then we'll stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador.

When we look the part we'll go to a nice old country bar in middle America, and we'll show them that we really enjoy the Countryside and show admiration and respect for the hard working people living there".

A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from New York in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for.

With dog in tow they walk into the bar. They step up to the bar and the Bartender takes a step back and say's, " aren't you Bill and Hillary Clinton ?"
Hillary answers, "yes we are, and what a lovely town you have here. We were just passing through and Bill suggested that we stop and take in some local color."

They then order a couple of cocktails from the bartender and proceed to drink them down, all the while chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

All of a sudden, the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath,shrugged his shoulders
and walks out the door. A few moments later, in came another old farmer.

He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and then left the bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came
in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually Hillary and Bill could stand it no longer and called the bartender over.

'Tell me' said Hillary, 'why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of old custom?'

'Good Lord no,' said the bartender. 'Its just that someone has told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two ass holes!".

Best Chicken Joke Ever

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

If anyone needs it explained - read it a second time.

HAT TIP: Sue frum good ol Eagle Lake, Texas fer sendin these......


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pam & Jungle Mom... these are safe fer ya t'read...

Oklahoma Department of Public Safety Trooper!!!

In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.

About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running.

Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked.

He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding , but still stationary car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled, "Pull over!"

The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine. Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says Trooper's don't have a sense of humor???

Moving to New Orleans

Jack was sitting on the plane getting ready to depart for New Orleans when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was awfully pale, his hands were shaking and he was moaning with fear. "What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to New Orleans, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs and the highest crime rate."

Jack replied, "I've lived in New Orleans all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?" "Me?" said Jack. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."


The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car
videos around the country. Count down to #1..

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll
give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write
as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

The envelope please...


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."

Monkey Business

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, somehow he swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!”

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “He eats everything in sight, the little pig. Sorry. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff. “He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now? he asks.

“No, what?” replies the guy.

“Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!” said the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first.”

Sidewalk Julian Beever.. Amazin...

Well Sir...just take a look at the optical illussions this man paints on the sidewalks with Chalk....look at em close... some folks actually walk around the scenes thinkin they be real...they really look amazin...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

You may not believe this....

Well Sir...y'all just might not believe what medium these paintings are made frum...

...these here paintings were painted by one Don Marco...WITH CRAYOLA'S...

He's known as the Master Crayola Artist...and I see why....

A Love Story......

Well Sir...I'll just be a lettin the photygraffs speak fer themselves....

HAT TIP: to Chynadoll (Nikki G) fer sendin these along to the Cookshack...Thank ya Missy......

Monday, February 05, 2007

..of Pigs... Men...and southern Huntin Ethics....


Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of
the White House, he was carrying a baby pig under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says:
"Nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs, these are authentic
Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got
one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says,
"Excellent trade, sir."

The Why's of Men....

(because they are plugged into a genius)

(they don't have enough time)

(they don't stop to ask directions)

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

(don't never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favourite:

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face
and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart.

...and some southern Huntin Ethics....

Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural Louisiana on the opening day of deer season. They both spotted a large trophy class buck meandering towards them.

As the one hunter raised his gun to shoot, a funeral procession came slowly by. The hunter lowered his gun, took off his hat and stood with his head bowed until the procession was past. Of course by then, the deer was long gone.

The other hunter exclaimed "Wow! That was the most sportsmanlike act I've ever seen! You allowed this trophy buck to escape while showing such compassion and kindness toward someone's dearly departed. You are a great humanitarian and a shining example to sportsmen throughout the world!"

The first hunter nodded and said, "Well, we were married for 42 years."

HAT TIP: to Sue Gertson frum Eagle Lake, Texas.... fer sendin these jokes along t'me....

Mmmm Mmm... some great soundin Chocolate Chip Cookies...

Well Sir...I spotted this here recipe fer Chocolate Chip Cookies over on another blog...and after askin permission to print it over here at the Cookshack, my newest reader, Pam, frum down Florida way...sent me this great soundin Chocolate Chip cookie recipe that I'd like t'share with y'all... here it be mates....


2 sticks of butter
2 1/4 cup of flour
1 tsp. of salt
1 tsp. of baking soda
1/4 cup of sugar
1 1/4 cup of brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 Tbsp. of milk
1 1/2 tsp. of vanilla
2 cups of chocolate chips

Melt the butter. Sift together flour, salt, and baking soda. Set aside.

Pour melted butter into large bowl. Add sugar and brown sugar. Cream the butter and sugars. Add egg, egg yolk, 2 Tbsp. of milk and vanilla. Mix well.

Slowly add flour mixture, mix well. Stir in the chocolate chips.

CHILL THE DOUGH for about 30 minutes. This is a very important step. Once chilled, bake at 375 degrees for about 8 minutes. But check often! You don't want to burn these babies!!

PS: I added some chopped pecans to the last half of my batch. They were delicious. I think walnuts would be awesome too! ENJOY!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

How I wound up in the hospital and became a DAV.....

Well Sir...when I was a young 19 year old Sailor on my first leave after completing my three month long "Boot Camp" at Great Lakes Naval Training Center....I wound up in the hospital on my very first day of be the story mates on just how this happened....

As I walked down the busy sidewalk, my eyes fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city.

Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked", I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes sir, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out and touch someone in need!"

So I did.

...and that mates... is the story of how old Cookie became a Disabled American Veteran without gettin a Purple Heart......

Somemore of God's handiwork.....

Well Sir...been busy this here Sunday...but better late than be some more of the Big Guy's artwork.......

Folks...when ya look at these beautiful photygraffs...and the others I've posted in the past...give a thought to just what we're doing to this wonderful home in space through global warming and pollution...and also about what all this could look like if'n we start droppin Nukes around the globe. Hopefully...that day will never we best be a prayin for some devine intervention in certain area's of this here world...cause if not..well....