Monday, February 07, 2011

Wednesday Wanks

My neighbor shared the following story with me the other day about sumthin that happened to him last summer.

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a very dry martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.

This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I
said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn…



Here be a little sumthin different fer Y'all.


Golf is easy!


Unbelievable!! This is our illustrious Senator frum New York, liberal Chuck Schumer. He has no idea what the three branches of government are. He says at 1:38 into the video that the three branches are the HOUSE, SENATE and WHITE HOUSE....WTF!!??


"Dapper Dan" said; "Cookie, That "Jesus" one's a keeper. Joyce got a kick out of it, too. And that deer/dog video is unbelievable. I'll be forwarding that one on to my youngest grandson."

Tuesday Tidbits.

Some motivational posters fer ya.


Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When
He bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue
wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying
to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you
like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed
he did.

She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you
$50. 'After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons
and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house
at 2 p.m. sharp - and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $50 - they went to
the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bob came home from
work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by
the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did
stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly
asked, 'And did he give you $50?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes,
in fact he did give me $50.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife
by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $50 from me.
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

Gotta THANK; "Charlie the Cop" fer that one.

First grade assignment: Draw what your mother does for a living.

First Grade Drawing - PRICELESS!

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment.

The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.

She returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration.
It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male

customers with money.
I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.

This drawing is of me selling a shovel.


Mrs. Harrington



...and before there was "RADAR", we had these.



"Dapper Dan" said; "Great funnies this morning, Cookie! I really like that "poker" joke and if I can remember it, will tell it to a friend of mine (he loves to play poker) the next time I see him. Those photos at the end of the post are wild. All of them seem to be designed to physically enhance a sentry's hearing capabilities."

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Monday madness.


Just take 5 minutes and watch this video. This professor really puts things in proper perspective.



A new Speed Control device. Love it!


During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.

Do you want a bed near the window?"


"The Chief" said; "Did you go to your class reunion? Or was it a family reunion?"

"Dapper Dan" said; "I just got time to listen to the Patriot prof's comments on Obama's suit against the state of Arizona and it's strong immigration law. A powerful message, forcefully delivered. I may have to steal this one Cookie, with a link of course!"