The Medicine Man
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as youwish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?
"The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234,and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123.
"He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ...just as the medicine man had promised.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders
a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He
gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in
the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in
the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight
at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your
grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the
biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says,
"I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the
shoulders, looks him square in the eyes and says,
"Grandpa, go home! You're drunk!”
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat.
He notices immediately that the guy next to him has A black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence. We both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with massive breasts was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh, I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'. So she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable! Mine was a tongue twister, too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.
But I accidentally said, "You ruined my life, you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, ugly bitch."
Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter, was being interviewed by a French journalist and the discussion came around to deer hunting.
The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my
friend?' or is it, 'Are you the one who killed my brother'?"
Nugent replied, Nah. Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, "What am I going to eat next", "Who am I going to screw next", and "Can I run fast enough to get away".
They are very much like the French in that respect."