Saturday Sundries....

Well Sir...agin I gotta thank my buddy Charlie B., a retired Chicago cop, fer sendin these jokes and cartoons along......

President Bush in England

The Queen and President Bush Air Force One arrives at Heathrow and President Bush strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen. They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they change to a Magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well. Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth-shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire . The smell is atrocious! Both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses.

The fart shakes the coach but the two dignitaries of state do their best to ignore the incident. The Queen turns to President Bush, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I am sure you understand there are some things that even a queen cannot control."

George Bush, always trying to be presidential, replied, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought. Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses!"

______________________

Women's Problems

There's an age old saying...'Ouch, the truth sometimes hurts!!'

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:

MENtal illness

MENstrual cramps

MENtal breakdown

MENopause

GUY necologist

AND .. When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

_________________________

Hank is 92 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Hank goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit, smoke a cigar, listen to music, ponder his accomplishments and reflect on his longlife.

One evening, Mildred, age 86, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours had passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Hank turns to Mildred asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What? "SEX!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

"I know," Hank says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, pulls out his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Hank's yank... Then, one night, Hank didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Hank and make sure he was OK.

She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Hank's yank!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! ----- What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

Old Hank smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's."

The A$$HOLES Song... Good music...turn yur sound on...

Sorry folks....just couldn't resist this. My buddy Charlie Brazda frum Chi-Town way sent it to me and I just loved it....Thanks Charlie.... MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!!!

Friday Funnies....

Sarah walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide. The Pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" Sarah then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy. I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license; they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!" Sarah reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed... with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
______________________________

The War Department briefed the President this morning. They told Bush that two Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears. Finally he composed himself and asked,

"Just exactly how many is a "Brazillion"??
______________________

WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,

"HONEY, 25 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD RED HEAD."

NOW WE HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, A NICE BIG BED AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD RED HEAD, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? (The Golden Years)
__________________________

A salesman was traveling through the country side, selling insect repellent.
He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.

“Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again. I guarantee it.”

The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you. And get everyone in the county to buy a case. We will make you rich”.

The salesman was delighted. They went to the field and he stripped. The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake.

Back to the house went the farmer. The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield.Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard, and drawn, but not one bite on him.

The farmer was perplexed. “Son,” he said,“Now, you don’t have a bite on you but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”

The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked,

“Doesn’t that calf have a mother?”

Just goes t'show ya.....

Well Sir...the below photygraffs just go t'show ya what a good make up artist can do fer ya......

Thank ya Jeff fer sendin this along to the Cookie....

....and several folks sent me this here Monica button....thanks "Fish", & Sue and everyone else....

Hmmm....found this interestin....

Well Sir...bein an old Seabee...I found this article interestin. Thanks John Y frum out Kansas way fer sendin it along...

"The U.S. Navy has decided to spend as much as $600,000 for landscaping and architectural modifications to obscure the fact that one its building complexes looks like a swastika from the air," Tony Perry reports in Monday's edition of the LA Times.

"The four L-shaped buildings, constructed in the late 1960s, are part of the amphibious base at Coronado and serve as barracks for Seabees."

The article continues, "But once people began looking at satellite images from Google Earth, they started commenting about on blogs and websites about how much the buildings resembled the symbol used by the Nazis."

The shape of the barracks was first noticed and commented upon at a Google Earth Community bulletin board as early as February 2005. As the oddity became more widely known, however, calls arose for the Navy to do something about it. Now the prevailing tone in blog comments is one of scorn for the waste of $600,000 on something that can only be seen from space.

Excerpts from LA Times article:

He's doing better....

Well Sir....just an update regarding my best friend....he's starting to do better and is recently out of ICU. He's still not out of the woods yet but the prognosis is sounding much better than a few days back......


Again...Thank You to ALL who responded to my request.....

Just in frum Fred's Campaign HQ.....

9/24 Newsletter

In this issue...

Fred begins Campaigning in Earnest

Fred's Ahead... New Polling shows strong jump

Fred begins Campaigning in Earnest

Now that the long wait is over and Fred has officially entered the race for the GOP presidential nomination, he has hit the ground running. After stops in Iowa, New Hampshire, South Carolina and Florida, Fred visited his home town of Lawrenceburg Tennessee where I had the great pleasure of seeing Fred in person. I was struck by his commanding presence... not just because of his 6'5" stature, but the easy way he had of connecting with the large crowd... transitioning from stories of his childhood and youth in small-town Tennessee, to his understand of the challenges that face our great country in the coming years. How the lessons he learned in that small town and the core values instilled by his strong parents have prepared him to lead us to meet those challenges.

Fred finished last week strong with speeches to the National Rifle Association and the Mackinac Republican Leadership Conference. Video from each of these events may be seen on the front page of draftfredthompson.com by clicking here.

Several Polls have been released since Fred's entry into the race and the results are extremely encouraging! here's a quick sample:

Harris Poll
Thompson 32%
Giuliani 28%
McCain 11%
Romney 9%
Gingrich 7%
Paul 3%
Huckabee 3%

Rassmussen Poll
Thompson 27%
Giuliani 22%
Romney 12%
McCain 13%

Zogby/Reuters Poll
Giuliani 26%
Thompson 24%
McCain 13%
Romney 7%
Huckabee -%

Let's Finish Strong!

It's hard to believe, but September is almost over. Baseball season is winding down, football season is underway... but there's another important milestone that's upon us. September 30th brings to a close the 3rd quarter filing period for Federal Election Commission contribution reports. This is when Fred's campaign will be required, for the first time, to submit fundraising numbers. Immediately upon creation of "Friends of Fred Thompson", contributions exceeded initial expectations, which is great, but now that the filing period is drawing to a close, it's time for us all to step up and make a big push to stoke the campaign coffers. If you have been putting off making a contribution for any reason, or if you've already made one and are ready to make another, now is the time.

There are 2 ways to contribute; Either click the link in my side-bar to donate online, or if you prefer, you may download the form by clicking here, fill it out and mail it in along with your check made out to Friends of Fred Thompson.

The mainstream media is going to make a big deal about this, so it's important for us to show them what we've got and finish strong!

Tuesday tidbits....

Well Sir...we'll begin with why men should never take important messages....

THANK YOU.....

I would like to say THANK YOU and may God Bless You to all who responded to my prayer request by praying, lighting candles and linking to my post. It just goes to show that the internet has some very decent, loving and caring people out there....


I'll post at sometime in the future as to Bob's condition, but for right now, there is little change.....which at this point is a good thing.


Again, my heartfelt Thank You to all.....Cookie