JUST A GOOD OLD FASHIONED PATRIOTIC BLOG, with
Backwoods straite tawk, views, wizdom & recipees frum the man that duz the cookin...."Cookie". Scroll Through "SEARCH THIS BLOG", "ARCHIVES" or "PREVIOUS POSTS" fer the various RECIPEE'S....
Y'all Remember..."NEVER TRUST A SKINNY COOK".
Now THIS is Cookie's kinda "Boat"! The BEST kind of MARINE is a SUBMARINE!
**Sigh**...Do you believe how sick this MuthaF***er is...???
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Well Sir....a bunch of them thar Southern fellers (via "Chigago Charlie") done got t'gether and sent this here BBQ song to Cookie....just t'make sure I understood the principles and methods....
Yupper boys....Cookie has cooked every style BBQ and although I might be a "yankee"...I can do em all...dependin on just what my guests might be wantin....
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"Rules For The Non Military"
Dear Civilian,
'We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:
1. The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem---kick their ass.
2. When you witness, first-hand, someone burning the American Flag in protest---kick their ass.
3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.
4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces,' and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.
5. Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).
6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', inform them of their mistake---and kick their ass.
7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her---of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.
8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command includes our Commander-In-Chief (CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your ass kicked!
9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me---stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore, could kick your ass!
10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me---if you see any one calling those damn psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their ass!
11. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid' (Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers' (Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. That could get your ass kicked.
12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get it's ass kicked.'
'It is the Veteran, not the reporter who has given us the freedom of the press.
'It is the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech.
It is the Veteran, not the campus organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate
'It is the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.'
If you are reading it in English, thank a Veteran.'
I will add one more:
13. If you ever see anyone singing the national anthem in Spanish - KICK THEIR ASS. TWICE. ______________________________________
Well Sir....here's some video (from the cockpit) of an F-16 taking a bird-strike into the engine. You'll see the bird-strike shortly after takeoff. The plane crashes but listen to the professionism of these pilots...
Just a thought...or two... PALIN fer Republican VP...Great choice John!
Well Sir...Ya know sumthin folks...followin all the politics, Barack "Julius" Obama, conventions, commercials and our rather less than perfect choices fer this upcomin election just makes me want to either spit, puke or cry. Soooo...I figured I'll just laugh at all this crazy bullshit goin on in this here nation and world....
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Well Sir....regardin Obama's Greek/Roman style acceptance speech this evening....all I gotta say is, Where the hell is Brute' (Brutus) when ya need him?
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Well Sir...I was readin one of "Subvets" recent post about a banned female vibrator commercial, and in that he didn't actually post the commercial video....welllll...you know the Cookie. I had to research this story that peaked my curiosity...and here t'is....
...ADULT CONTENT!
Moral of the story: Always Wash Your Veggies! ___________________________________
Ya done good John....REAL GOOD!
Well Sir....John McCain has picked his running mate and couldn't be happier. Thus far...everything I've read about her I love. If'n yur interested...I "googled" her and copied the following:
Sarah Louise Heath Palin (born February 11, 1964) is the current Governor of Alaska, and the presumptive 2008 Republican nominee for Vice President of the United States.[1] She will be the second female Vice Presidential nominee representing one of the two major American political parties.[2]
Born in Idaho and raised in Alaska, Palin played point guard on her high school's championship basketball team. She was the 1984 runner-up in the Miss Alaska pageant, receiving a scholarship that allowed her to attend the University of Idaho, where she received a degree in journalism. After working as a sports reporter at an Anchorage television station, Palin served two terms on the Wasilla, Alaska, City Council from 1992 to 1996, was elected mayor of Wasilla (population 5,470 in 2000) in 1996, and ran unsuccessfully for Lieutenant Governor in 2002. After charging ethical violations by state Republican Party leaders,[3] she won election in 2006 by first defeating incumbent governor Frank Murkowski in the Republican primary, then former Democratic Alaskan governor Tony Knowles in the general election.
On August 29, 2008, presumptive GOP nominee John McCain chose Palin as his nominee for vice president.
Family and personal background
Palin was born in Sandpoint, Idaho, the daughter of Charles and Sally (Sheeran) Heath.[4] Her family moved to Alaska when she was an infant.[5] Charles Heath was a science teacher and track coach.[5] The Heaths were avid outdoors enthusiasts; Sarah and her father would sometimes wake at 3 a.m. to hunt moose before school, and the family regularly ran 5k and 10k races.[5]
Palin was the point guard and captain for the Wasilla High School Warriors, in Wasilla, Alaska, when they won the Alaska small-school basketball championship in 1982; she earned the nickname "Sarah Barracuda" because of her intense play.[5] She played the championship game despite a stress fracture in her ankle, hitting a critical free throw in the last seconds.[5] Palin, who was also the head of the school Fellowship of Christian Athletes, would lead the team in prayer before games.[5]
In 1984, after winning the Miss Wasilla contest earlier that year, Palin finished second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant which won her a scholarship to help pay her way through college.[5] In the Wasilla pageant, she played the flute and also won Miss Congeniality.
Palin holds a bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Idaho where she also minored in politics.
Her husband, Todd, is a Native Yup'ik Eskimo.[5] Outside the fishing season, Todd works for BP at an oil field on Alaska's North Slope[6] and is a champion snowmobiler, winning the 2000-mile "Iron Dog" race four times.[5] The two eloped shortly after Palin graduated from college; when they learned they needed witnesses for the civil ceremony, they recruited two residents from the old-age home down the street.[5] The Palin family lives in Wasilla, about 40 miles (64 km) north of Anchorage.[7]
She briefly worked as a sports reporter for local Anchorage television stations while also working as a commercial fisherman with her husband, Todd, her high school sweetheart.[5] One summer when she was working on Todd's fishing boat, the boat collided with a tender while she was holding onto the railing; Palin broke several fingers.[5]
On September 11, 2007, the Palins' eighteen-year-old son Track, eldest of five, joined the Army.[7] He now serves in an infantry brigade and will be deployed to Iraq in September 2008. She also has three daughters: Bristol, 17; Willow, 13; and Piper, 7.[8] On April 18, 2008, Palin gave birth to her second son, Trig Paxson Van Palin, who has Down syndrome.[9] She returned to the office three days after giving birth.[10] Palin refused to let the results of prenatal genetic testing change her decision to have the baby. "I'm looking at him right now, and I see perfection," Palin said. "Yeah, he has an extra chromosome. I keep thinking, in our world, what is normal and what is perfect?"[10]
Details of Palin's personal life have contributed to her political image. She hunts, eats moose hamburger, ice fishes, rides snowmobiles, and owns a float plane.[11][12] Palin holds a lifetime membership with the National Rifle Association. She admits that she used marijuana when it was legal in Alaska, but says that she did not like it.[13]
Pre-gubernatorial political experience
Palin served two terms on the Wasilla City Council from 1992 to 1996. In 1996, she challenged the incumbent mayor, criticizing wasteful spending and high taxes.[5] The ex-mayor and sheriff tried to organize a recall campaign, but failed.[5] Palin kept her campaign promises, reducing her own salary, as well as reducing property taxes by 60%.[5] She ran for reelection against the former mayor in 1999, winning by an even larger margin.[5][14] Palin was also elected president of the Alaska Conference of Mayors.[8]
In 2002, Palin made an unsuccessful bid for Lieutenant Governor, coming in second to Loren Leman in a four-way race. After Frank Murkowski resigned from his long-held U.S. Senate seat in mid-term to become governor, Palin interviewed to be his possible successor. Instead, Murkowski appointed his daughter, then-Alaska State Representative Lisa Murkowski.[5]
Governor Murkowski appointed Palin Ethics Commissioner of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission,[15] where she served from 2003 to 2004 until resigning in protest over what she called the "lack of ethics" of fellow Alaskan Republican leaders, who ignored her whistleblowing complaints of legal violations and conflicts of interest.[5] After she resigned, she exposed the state Republican party's chairman, Randy Ruedrich, one of her fellow Oil & Gas commissioners, who was accused of doing work for the party on public time, and supplying a lobbyist with a sensitive e-mail.[16] Palin filed formal complaints against both Ruedrich and former Alaska Attorney General Gregg Renkes, who both resigned; Ruedrich paid a record $12,000 fine.[5]
Governorship
Governor Palin visits a wounded soldier in Landstuhl, Germany, July 2007In 2006, Palin, running on a clean-government campaign, executed an upset victory over then-Gov. Murkowski in the Republican gubernatorial primary.[5] Despite the lack of support from party leaders and being outspent by her Democratic opponent, she went on to win the general election in November 2006, defeating former Governor Tony Knowles.[5] Palin said in 2006 that education, public safety, and transportation would be three cornerstones of her administration.[13]
When elected, Palin became the first woman to be Alaska's governor, and the youngest governor in Alaskan history at 42 years of age upon taking office. Palin was also the first Alaskan governor born after Alaska achieved U.S. statehood. She was also the first Alaskan governor not to be inaugurated in Juneau, instead choosing to hold her inauguration ceremony in Fairbanks. She took office on December 4, 2006.
Highlights of Governor Palin's tenure include a successful push for an ethics bill, and also shelving pork-barrel projects supported by fellow Republicans. Palin successfully killed the Bridge to Nowhere project that had become a nationwide symbol of wasteful earmark spending.[10][17] "Alaska needs to be self-sufficient, she says, instead of relying heavily on 'federal dollars,' as the state does today."[11]
She has challenged the state's Republican leaders, helping to launch a campaign by Lieutenant Governor Sean Parnell to unseat U.S. Congressman Don Young[18] and publicly challenging Senator Ted Stevens to come clean about the federal investigation into his financial dealings.[10]
In 2007, Palin had an approval rating often in the 90s.[11] A poll published by Hays Research on July 28, 2008 showed Palin's approval rating at 80%.[19]
Energy policies
Palin's tenure is noted for her independence from big oil companies, while still promoting resource development.[11][10] Palin has announced plans to create a new sub-cabinet group of advisors, to address climate change and reduce greenhouse gas emissions within Alaska.[20]
Shortly after taking office, Palin rescinded thirty-five appointments made by Murkowski in the last hour of his administration, including the appointment by Murkowski of his former chief of staff Jim Clark to the Alaska Natural Gas Development Authority.[21][22] Clark later pled guilty to conspiring with a defunct oil-field-services company to channel money into Frank Murkowski's re-election campaign.[23]
In March 2007, Palin presented the Alaska Gasline Inducement Act (AGIA) as the new legal vehicle for building a natural gas pipeline from the state's North Slope.[24] Only one legislator, Representative Ralph Samuels, voted against the measure,[25] and in June Palin signed it into law.[26][27] On January 5, 2008, Palin announced that a Canadian company, Transcanada, was the sole AGIA-compliant applicant.[28][29]
In response to high oil and gas prices, and in response to the resulting state government budget surplus, Palin proposed giving Alaskans $100-a-month energy debit cards. She also proposed providing grants to electrical utilities so that they would reduce customers' rates.[30] She subsequently dropped the debit card proposal, and in its place she proposed to send Alaskans $1,200 directly and eliminate the gas tax.[31][32]
Social issues
Palin is strongly pro-life, a supporter of capital punishment[www.palinforgovernor.com, "Issues" Nov 7, 2006], and belongs to Feminists for Life.[13]
She opposes same-sex marriage, but she has stated that she has gay friends and is receptive to gay and lesbian concerns about discrimination.[13] While the previous administration did not implement same-sex benefits, Palin complied with a state Supreme Court order and signed them into law.[33] She disagreed with the Supreme Court ruling[34] and supported a democratic advisory vote from the public on whether there should be a constitutional amendment on the matter.[35] Alaska was one of the first U.S. states to pass a constitutional ban on gay marriage, in 1998, along with Hawaii.[36] Palin has stated that she supported the 1998 constitutional amendment.[13]
Palin's first veto was used to block legislation that would have barred the state from granting benefits to the partners of gay state employees. In effect, her veto granted State of Alaska benefits to same-sex couples. The veto occurred after Palin consulted with Alaska's attorney general on the constitutionality of the legislation.[34]
Matanuska Maid Dairy closure
When the Alaska Creamery Board recommended closing Matanuska Maid Dairy, an unprofitable state-owned business, Palin objected, citing concern for the impact on dairy farmers and the fact that the dairy had just received $600,000 in state money. When Palin learned that only the Board of Agriculture and Conservation could appoint Creamery Board members, she simply replaced the entire membership of the Board of Agriculture and Conservation.[11][37] The new board, led by businesswoman Kristan Cole, reversed the decision to close the dairy.[37] The new board approved milk price increases offered by the dairy in an attempt to control fiscal losses, even though milk from Washington was already offered in Alaskan stores at lower prices.[38] In the end, the dairy was forced to close, and the state tried to sell the assets to pay off its debts but received no bids.[39][40]
Budget
In the first days of her administration, Palin followed through on a campaign promise to sell the Westwind II jet purchased (on a state government credit account) by the Murkowski administration. The state placed the jet for sale on eBay three times. In August 2007, the jet was sold for $2.7 million.[41]
Shortly after becoming governor, Palin canceled a contract for construction on an 11-mile (18-kilometer) gravel road outside of Juneau to a mine. This reversed a decision made in the closing days or hours of the Murkowski Administration.[42]
In June 2007, Palin signed into law a $6.6 billion operating budget—the largest in Alaska's history.[43] At the same time, she used her veto power to make the second-largest cuts of the construction budget in state history. The $237 million in cuts represented over 300 local projects, and reduced the construction budget to nearly $1.6 billion.[44]
Thursday Thuds and Fractured Friday.....and wait till Y'all read this OIL report!
Well Sir....Missy Susan from Texas started the day by bustin my balls with this little gem....
I think all you women folk out there will really like this one...I know my wife did...
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Well Now....somehow, Missy Susan from Eagle Lake, done got a hold of some video of some of my old brothers in arms makin some traffic stops in downtown Syracuse..... It was casual Friday like today....
I know "The Chief" will jump all over this one.....
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....and also frum Missy Susan...here's what Y'all be a missin when ya don't go to church...
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Well ain't this just freakin lovely.....maybe some of Y'all out there knew about this already...but it was news to Cookie...
Susan G. sent me this and it really blew my mind....as I'm sure it will do the same to you. If this don't piss ya off...nuthin will....
I googled and read the web site, and it appears to be legitimate info. We need to let our congressional reps know how we feel on this one. Can't believe this has been known for 2 years and hasn't gotten any press, at least that I have seen or heard.
The U.S. Geological Service issued a report in April ('08) that only scientists and oilmen knew was coming, but man was it big. It was a revised report (hadn't been updated since '95) on how much oil was in this area of the western 2/3 of North Dakota; western South Dakota; and extreme eastern Montana ... check THIS out:
The Bakken is the largest domestic oil discovery since Alaska 's Prudhoe Bay , and has the potential to eliminate all American dependence on foreign oil. The Energy Information Administration (EIA) estimates it at 503 billion barrels. Even if just 10% of the oil is recoverable... at $107 a barrel, we're looking at a resource base worth more than $5.3 trillion.
'When I first briefed legislators on this, you could practically see their jaws hit the floor. They had no idea, says Terry Johnson, the Montana Legislature's financial analyst.
'This sizable find is now the highest-producing onshore oil field found in the past 56 years,' reports The Pittsburgh Post Gazette. It's a formation known as the Williston Basin , but is more commonly referred to as the 'Bakken.' And it stretches from Northern Montana, through North Dakota and into Canada . For years, U. S. oil exploration has been considered a dead end. Even the 'Big Oil' companies gave up searching for major oil wells decades ago. However, a recent technological breakthrough has opened up the Bakken's massive reserves... and we now have access of up to 500 billion barrels. And because this is light, sweet oil, those billions of barrels will cost Americans just $16 PER BARREL! >That's enough crude to fully fuel the American economy for 41 years straight.
2. And if THAT didn't throw you on the floor, then this next one should - because it's from TWO YEARS AGO, people! U.S.Oil Discovery- Largest Reserve in the World! Stansberry Report Online - 4/20/2006 Hidden 1,000 feet beneath the surface of the Rocky Mountains lies the largest untapped oil reserve in the world is more than 2 TRILLION barrels. On August 8, 2005 President Bush mandated its extraction.
They reported this stunning news: We have more oil inside our borders, than all the other proven reserves on earth. Here are the official estimates:
>-8-times as much oil as Saudi Arabia >-18-times as much oil as Iraq >-21-times as much oil as Kuwait >-22-times as much oil as Iran >-500-times as much oil as Yemen - and it's all right here in the Western United States .
HOW can this BE? HOW can we NOT BE extracting this!? Because the democrats, environmentalists and left wing republicans have blocked all efforts to help America become independent of foreign oil.
James Bartis, lead researcher with the study says we've got more oil in this very compact area than the entire Middle East -more than 2 TRILLION barrels. Untapped. That's more than all the proven oil reserves of crude oil in the world today, reports The Denver Post.
Don't think 'OPEC' will drop its price - even with this find? Think again! It's all about the competitive marketplace, - it has to. Gee....ya think the Oil Companies, who are making absolutely obscene profits really want to let this out and start drilling so they'd make less money per barrel...??? And we're concerned about ANWR...Riiiight!
Have I got your attention/ire up yet? Hope so! Now, while you're thinking about it ... and hopefully as pissed off as I am, do this:
3. Take 10 minutes and compose an e-mail; fax or good old-fashioned letter to all your friends and associates. Alert them to the fact that democrats and 'liberal' republicans have been and will continue to obstruct all plans to make America independent of foreign oil.
If you don't take a little time to do this, then you should stifle yourself the next time you want to complain about gas prices .. because by doing NOTHING, you've forfeited your right to complain. _____________________________________
...and "fits" will just LOVE this story...apparently true....
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said 'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' Then he hung up.
Withi n five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed ..
One of the Policemen said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'(True Story)
I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people. __________________________________
Say hello to "Charlie The Cat".....
**BTW....back when I was a Detective Sergeant, I once sent a man to prison for rape of a young girl, and after the first couple of days, he walked just like Charlie the cat!** Ah Yes...prison justice.... ______________________________________
...and finally, "Chigago Charlie" introduces us to the smartest man in prison....
OK Mates..."Charlie The Cop" shares the benefit of his age and wisdom with us by giving us some good friendly advice fer all the men-folk out there who just may not be aware of this concept.....
Quote for the day:
'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap, you will receive a bucket full of shit! _____________________________________
...and "Charlie also sent an OBG that's always worth a reprint and a good laugh....
Making a baby. There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
************* The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith .
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said .
"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith .
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith , her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
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Now Sir....my amiga Missy "Nikki" who's brave hubby is in Iraq and due to return soon after his long absence, sends us this cute story about...er...well, ya just gotta read it fer yurselves....
'Lizard Birth'
If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!
Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'
I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'
'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies.'
'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!'
I was equally outraged. 'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.
'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)
'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).
'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.
'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth.'
'Oh, gross!' they shrieked.
'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.
'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.
'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.
'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.
'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know.
'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.'(You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.
'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him.(Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for G~d's sake.).
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.
'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.
'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy.
You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . .. masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife.
We were silent, absorbing this.
'So, Ernie's just just... excited,' my wife offered.
'Exactly,' the vet replied , relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. & giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.
Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just that . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . its. . . teeny little ' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.
'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me.
'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!
Moral of this story: Pay attention in biology class - Lizards lay eggs! ___________________________________________
Rosa Brooks: Remember 'go outside and play?' Overbearing parents have taken the fun out of childhood and turned it into a grind.
Rosa Brooks May 15, 2008
Can you forgive her?
In March, Lenore Skenazy, a New York City mother, gave her 9-year-old son, Izzy, a MetroCard, a subway map, a $20 bill and some quarters for pay phones. Then she let him make his own way home from Bloomingdale's department store -- by subway and bus.
Izzy survived unscathed. He wasn't abducted by a perverted stranger or pushed under an oncoming train by a homicidal maniac. He didn't even get lost. According to Skenazy, who wrote about it in a New York Sun column, he arrived home "ecstatic with independence."
His mother wasn't so lucky. Her column generated as much outrage as if she'd suggested that mothers make extra cash by hiring their kids out as child prostitutes.
But it also reinvigorated an important debate about children, safety and independence.
Reader, if you're much over 30, you probably remember what it used to be like for the typical American kid. Remember how there used to be this thing called "going out to play"?
For younger readers, I'll explain this archaic concept. It worked like this: The child or children in the house -- as long as they were over age 4 or so -- went to the door, opened it, and ... went outside. They braved the neighborhood pedophile just waiting to pounce, the rusty nails just waiting to be stepped on, the trees just waiting to be fallen out of, and they "played."
"Play," incidentally, is a mysterious activity children engage in when not compelled to spend every hour under adult supervision, taking soccer or piano lessons or practicing vocabulary words with computerized flashcards.
All in all, "going out to play" worked out well for kids. As the American Academy of Pediatrics' Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg testified to Congress in 2006, "Play allows children to create and explore a world they can master, conquering their fears while practicing adult roles. ... Play helps children develop new competencies ... and the resiliency they will need to face future challenges." But here's the catch: Those benefits aren't realized when some helpful adult is hovering over kids the whole time.
Thirty years ago, the "going out to play" culture coexisted with other culturally sanctioned forms of independence for even very young children: Kids as young as 6 used to walk to school on their own, for instance, or take public buses or -- gulp -- subways. And if they lived on a school bus route, their mommies did not consider it necessary to escort them to the bus stop every morning and wait there with them.
But today, for most middle-class American children, "going out to play" has gone the way of the dodo, the typewriter and the eight-track tape. From 1981 to 1997, for instance, University of Michigan time-use studies show that 3- to 5-year-olds lost an average of 501 minutes of unstructured playtime each week; 6- to 8-year-olds lost an average of 228 minutes. (On the other hand, kids now do more organized activities and have more homework, the lucky devils!) And forget about walking to school alone. Today's kids don't walk much at all (adding to the childhood obesity problem).
Increasingly, American children are in a lose-lose situation. They're forced, prematurely, to do all the un-fun kinds of things adults do (Be over-scheduled! Have no downtime! Study! Work!). But they don't get any of the privileges of adult life: autonomy, the ability to make their own choices, use their own judgment, maybe even get interestingly lost now and then.
Somehow, we've managed to turn childhood into a long, hard slog. Is it any wonder our kids take their pleasures where they can find them, by escaping to "Grand Theft Auto IV" or the alluring, parent-free world of MySpace?
But, but, but, you say, all the same, Skenazy should never have let her 9-year-old son take the subway! In New York, for God's sake! A cesspit of crack addicts, muggers and pedophiles!
Well, no. We parents have sold ourselves a bill of goods when it comes to child safety. Forget the television fear-mongering: Your child stands about the same chance of being struck by lightning as of being the victim of what the Department of Justice calls a "stereotypical kidnapping." And unless you live in Baghdad, your child stands a much, much greater chance of being killed in a car accident than of being seriously harmed while wandering unsupervised around your neighborhood.
Skenazy responded to the firestorm generated by her column by starting a new website -- freerangekids.wordpress.com -- dedicated to giving "our kids the freedom we had." She explains: "We believe in safe kids. ... We do NOT believe that every time school-age children go outside, they need a security detail."
Next time I take my kids to New York, I'm asking Skenazy to baby-sit.
As I read this, I couldn't help but see the veracity of the article, and recall the fact that at age 6, I was walking (all by my little lonesome) to school everyday, and that by age 12, I was Hitch-Hiking to just about every place I needed to go. The spirit of independence and self reliance reinforced at every foray out of the house.
There were also those nice summer days when I was going in and out of the house every five minutes or so, and usually slamming the screen door behind me. This alway prompted that motherly threat, "If you come in this house one more time, you're staying in for the rest of the day!", and, damned if she didn't stay true to her word and I got stuck in the house while all my friends were still outside playing and having a great time.....
Yupper...there be some sad truth's in this here article.... ________________________________
...and we'll end with some real cute "Baby Bloopers".....
Important Things...and extraneous and sundry extra's....
Well Sir...my wife Elaine and myself had a real great time today with two of our grandkids. We played a few rounds of miniature golf, explored fer various rocks, gems and artifacts, and managed to find some arrowheards, as well as some cool semi-precious gemstones. BTW, I had made a wager with the grandkids that if'n they beat me in golf, Elaine and myself would take them to some local Field Days and the entire day would be on us. Looks like its gonna cost the Cookie a few bucks at the field days.
Then, after Gettin lost in a maze fer a spell, we finished off the day with some great Chinese cuisine, which I was surprized to learn that both grandkids really enjoy eating....
It's days like this that remind a body that the really important things in life are Family and Friends, and treating BOTH with love and respect.....all else is temporary at best... __________________________________
The first known photygraff of Michael Phelps.....
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BREAKING NEWS: Our local Wal-Mart was burglarized last night and it seems the only items taken were all the Viagra in the Pharmacy storage section. So much was taken in fact that Police theorize that there had to be at least two burglars involved in order to carry away all the medications. Police are looking for two "Hardened Criminals"....
In related news, a local man states that he will never again have Viagra in his home. He stated that his 13 years old son found his bottle of Viagra and later had to be treated at the local hospital for 2nd and 3rd degree burns on his hands and other body parts....
New Ethic's amongst Democrats.....
I believe the democrats have suddenly developed a keen sense of morality.
John Edwards has been banned from making a speech at the Democratic National Convention for having an affair and lying about it.
In his place, Bill Clinton will be speaking.
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In the "It's Your Money" department, we have this short video as to one of the reasons yur Health Care costs are so high....
...and if'n ya vote fer the "Obamessiah" (and other like Democrats) and he gets elected...well then, Y'all deserve what will most assuredly follow....
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Yuuuuccckkk....me good buddy Patrick from over at "PRH....A Day in the Life" posted some photygraff's of himself from the past, but, knowin that at one time he was stationed at Griffis Air Base in lovely Rome, NY,(where the Winters are usually about 9 months long), I couldn't help but notice that he had left out images from this time of his life.
So....I left a comment on his blog regardin this faux pas, and he kindly sent me a couple of photygraffs of one of the winters he spent there....
Just a reminder folks....it's on the way.....
BTW...Rome, NY is about 20 miles down the road from where Cookie lives....
Patrick also stated that this last pikchure is more like the winter nights he prefers.....and I think most of us would agree....
BTW....I don't know if'n y'all read Patrick's blog regularly or not, but he's one really cool character. Here's a story he just sent to me regardin....
Mowing the lawn & Beer
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair; drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.
The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, 'You should be hung!
I took a drink from my can of Bud Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted up my Maui Jim sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosey ass neighbor and then calmly replied,
'I am. That's why she cuts the grass.' _______________________________
Well Sir....I just read this here story on AOL...but ya know...I think they coulda used a differant verb to describe the "investigation".....
OK Amigo's and amiga's...gonna spebd some great quality time with a couple of my grandkids today...so this here will be a short post....
I intentionally placed this next Billboard sign under the above sign as there is something symbolic here. Trouble is, politicians don't usually use this stuff...
Hmmm....differant....
...and this here next truck was observed pulling into the Democratic Convention Center in Denver yesterday. Wanna bet we'll see the same truck at the next Convention as well...
Well Sir...just about ready fer Deer Huntin Season here.....just gotta oil up the spring a mite...
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THE DECISION
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new "johnson" that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."
The man perks up at this.
"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.
"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new kitchen."
Gonna thank "Chicago Charlie" fer most of todays funnies..... ______________________________________
...and a little sumthin fer the women-folk.....
PREGNANCY Q & A and more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question?
Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q : Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'. 6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space' 9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN ___________________________________
Monday...some funnies...some personal reflections...
Well Sir...we'll begin with the week with sumthin "Charlie The Cop" sent me regardin the importance of havin a good Back-Up Plan....
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Ahhh HA! Yet anuther great use fer Duct Tape.....
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Can Y'all tell which young woman is frum New York...???
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Now Sir....I know a man who is so HUMBLE that when his home State told him they were going to erected this sign on the Interstate near his home, he let them. His name is "The Chief" and he's not only amazingly humble, he's also a friend.....
He was also nice enuff to post this picture on his blog so's folks would come over and visit the Cookie....
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Thoughts for Today--
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt .
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..! ____________________________________
Now Sir...to get serious fer a moment or two, here's some personal reflections by Cookie...
Having lived on this old Earth for 64 years, I've witnessed, learned and personally experienced a few things. There is what I call a Perfect Justice in our lives and this Universe. It's not so much a religious principle as is it spiritual. God knows, Cookie is NOT a religious man. My shadow has not graced the threshold of any church in many, many years, but I do believe in a Higher Power that equals all actions/deeds out in the end.
In some religions, this principle is called Karma. The Bible states it several ways. "You reap what you sow.", "Live by the Sword, Die by the Sword, The Golden Rule ("Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".), and the layman's terminolgy simple states, "What goes around...Comes Around."
Some years back, a wise person summed it up to me like this. Every action we take in life will come back to us, whether we do bad or good...it will come back to us in kind. I wish when I was very young a Priest would have stated it that way to me...I would have understood it much earlier and clearer, and probably saved myself a lot of trouble. "Lie about someone...you'll be lied about, steal from someone and you'll be stolen from, hurt somebody and you'll be hurt, betray someone and you'll be betrayed, and so on. The same holds true when we do good things for folks and family. Good things come to us....It will ALL come back to us in equal measure. So, it stands to reason that the more times we do "The Right Thing For The Right Reason", the better our lives become.
Over the past 35 years or so, since being enlightened to this phylosophy, I've watched my life closely and found it to be true. In some cases I can actually track back to the incident I did that has caused something that was/is presently happening in my own life. Sometimes it's impossible, but believe me, it's true never the less.
What goes around...comes around!
Just thought I'd share these personal discoveries and reflections with Y'all. Some folks out there just may need to know these things, and just what they've got to look forward to as to what's comin to em somewhere down the road.... __________________________________
I'm just an old Vietnam era Disabled Veteran Seabee, (and an old "Diesel-Boat" Sub-Sailer ) who's just a killin time...till time kills me. After retiring from many years in Law Enforcement as a Detective Sergeant, I now spends most a m'time a cookin fer feller sportsmen(and m' Wife) & writin a cook'n column fer a Fish & Game Magazine. I Hunt & Fish and don't care much fer liberals or ACLUers. I live in a small northern NY town on Oneida Lake, and like it that way. I can be as cantankerous as a Grizzly Bear with a tooth ache, or as cuddly as a Teddy Bear...mostly the former...
