Friday, January 16, 2009

7 things bout Cookie..Y'all just might get a kick outta these, and young Islamic education!

Well Sir, whilst readin my online buddy Tom's blog over at Dare2believe, he tagged the Cookie to write out 7 things that folks just might know (or not) about me.

Now Sir, Tom is a retired Naval Commander, and this here Cookie man was a Navy Submariner..AND a Navy Seabee, and as such I've always had the highest respect fer Naval Officers, cept fer one(1), which brings me to the first thing about me...

1) We had a young Navy Lieutenant JG (Junior Grade) report on board the first Sub I was one, and he turned out to be a real prick...with a capital P. He just couldn't understand the relaxed, informal relationships between submarine Officers and the enlisted men on board. Ya gotta know that enlisted personnel on "the Boats" were/are, the top 1% of the Navy, and as such, were treated accordingly by our officers.

This particular Officer, being the prick he was, just couldn't understand this, so he deserved some "come-uppence". So, at The Submariners Ball in New London, Conn., (which BTW is/was a really big deal in the State) myself and a grizzly old Engineman named "Ky", managed to hook up this A-Hole "JG" with a cross dressing transvestite. Oh...they danced the night away, kissed a few times on the ballroom dance floor(something which caused more than a few of us who knew what was going on , i.e. the entire crew, to become rather nauseous), and eventually left together. There's a little more to this story but y'all will have t'ask me the outcome.

2) Cookie, havin been a Homicide Detective Sergeant fer 16 years of my career, once got into a shootout in one our city's "bad" neighborhoods. As my partner and myself approached our suspect, he pulled out a .32 Cal handgun and let one round go in our direction. Myself, my partner, and two uniformed Officers, although surprised, we returned fire. Out of 16 rounds fired, only one hit the suspect and that was mine, and it hit him the left side of his ass. Guess ya could say I shot his ass off.

3) Had a Police Lieutenant who was also givin Cookie a hard time. I nicely asked him to lay off, he refused. I proceeded to get a pair of panties from a hooker who was an informant of mine and put them under the front seat of his personal car (passenger side). A few days later, he came to work, obviously troubled and stating he and his wife were having problems. I then asked him if it had anything to do with the panties under his front seat. He NEVER screwed with Cookie again.

4) Cookie likes to get even with people (and there is still one person out there who has a big one coming. Revenge is a "dish best served cold!").

5) Cookie LOVES to bust Marine's balls.

6) Cookie doesn't like to be messed with (except in fun by old Marines from Illinois, San Diego or Florida).

7) OH...Did I mention that I like to get even with folks when they've pissed me off.

Well Sir...that's about it, so, I guess I'll pass this on to "Subvet" and "Sig"

Also...Number 8) might just be that I really used t'hate it when they served beans on the Boat....

_______________________________________ last thing. Where is the hell is the outrage from the protestors, the left and our left leaning MSM when it comes to teaching this horrific stuff to young, impressionable children? I wonder what they would teach their young children if they weren't a Religion of Peace?

**Chirp...chirp...chirp...chirp*** Sounds like crickets to me...

Copied from The Jawa Report.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

...and that's when the fight started....

...BUT First.....

...and I used to think I was fast.....


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She a

'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.

You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

And then the fight started....

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

Gotta Thank my Seabee buddy "Fishin Magician" fer that one....

....and speakin of wives...Ya gotta love Rodney....

It's a "Dog Day" ...


Ah Ha...I think I finally found my "Life Partner"....


seeks male companionship, ethnicity
unimportant. I' m a very good girl who LOVES to
play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in
your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing
trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of
your hand. I'll be at the front door when you
get home from work, wearing only what nature
gave me.

Call (404) xxx-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....


Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

...and lastly...

15. If you lock both your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour or so, see which one is the happiest to see you when finally you open the trunk!!


...and since most dogs love to chase Squirrels....

There were five houses of religion in a small Texas town:

The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church , the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will..

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.

Now they only see them on Christmas , Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue,

but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.


...and cats....

The Wal-Mart Cat

A BLONDE was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat
which was hiding in the grass.
She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WAL-MART!



WALMART is the largest RETAILER in the world!!!


Wednesday, January 14, 2009




Mr. Bean goes to the Dentist....


A good lesson....

Sent to me by "Upstate Nikki" and "Fish" frum Kentucky....

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Now be some great T-Shirt messages...


Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

...and s'more T-Shirt messages...


HEY HEY HEY!! Jack's Back! Tonight, 8 PM of Fox. Can't wait to see how Jack saves the country, or maybe the world, from some unspeakable and dastardly villainous deed...