Well Sir....been a trifle under the weather here as of late, "Diabetes"...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I apologise to all my regular readers fer not postin anything. I would really like to thank all of you who contacted me by phone and E-mail to ascertain what was wrong with me and to make sure I was OK...
THANKS MATES! It was appreciated....
Now Sir....a goodly amount of folks have sent me some humorous materials t'cheer me up, "Charlie the Cop" frum Chicago, "Fish" frum Kenticky, Susan Gertson frum The Great State of Texas, Pat frum "...prh...A Day in the Life", and Clint Griffin frum out San Diego way, and "Sarah" frum "My Wonderful Life".... , and last...but certainly NOT least..."The Chief frum over at Smolderin Embers....
So I guess I'll shares em with Y'all.....
Now here's a life lesson fer ya.....
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play Golf and do lots of things that took two arms.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels.
He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he
could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.
He asked, 'Why are you so happy anyway?'
He said, 'I'm NOT happy ... My balls itch
"Charlie the Cop" told that this happened to him yesterday.....
He was out in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opened the window and yelled to Charlie, 'You need a piece of tail.'
He turned around with a confused look on his face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'
Here be what happens when the "Logo" gets lost in the image of the translation...
...and for all you "Grunts" out there....Some things I learned in The Seabee's.....
Murphy's Law in Combat
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
5. The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable; it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
9. When you're ready for them.
10. When you're not ready for them.
11. Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at.
12. If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.
13. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
14. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
15. If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
16. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
17. Anything you do can get you shot, including no thing.
18. If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
19. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
20. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
21. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
22. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
23. Friendly fire isn't.
24. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
25. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
26. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.
27. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
28. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
29. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
30. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air-strike.
31. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
32. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the colonel's HQ.
33. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
34. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
35. A clean (and dry) set of BDUs is a magnet for mud and rain.
36. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
37. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
38. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
39. Interchangeable parts aren't.
40. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
41. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.
42. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).
43. The one item you need is always in short su pply.
44. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
45. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
46. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
47. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
48. Those who hesitate under fire usually end up KIA or WIA.
49. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
50. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
51. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
52. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
53. When you have sufficient supplies and ammo, the enemy takes two weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies and ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
54. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Congressional Medal Of Honor.
55. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
56. Murphy was a grunt!
...and here be a little "toilet humor" fer y'all..... "Fartin in the Womens Bathroom"